⚠️ What to do with it ⁉️

This morning, I had seconds of fear. Nothing too big but a trauma trigger / ⚠️ for me, because of an action done by my child, it reflected on one of ex's narcissistic behaviour back those days - blame shifting. It's just the alarm clock 😆 but small matters now can snow ball to bigger issues as life goes.

Lately, though very, very minimal, when the child is too tired, this behaviour will surface. But on normal days, the child is alright, completely no traits.

In fact, I noticed this when the child was much younger, I tried to rectify it, and it worked, so I want to share it because I don't want to waste my pain, my journey. The 5 to 7 years of healing (still ongoing) were amazing, counting the losses as blessings. Each day, I learnt many things. My life satisfaction these X years already surpassed the past XX years that I lost.

🎀 Some background:

I got out of a long-term narcissistic relationship / marriage and also a business partnership

🎀 Years involved:

18 years

🎀 How it ended:

Ex left the family 🙏

🎀 How I felt back then:

Horrible, we were discarded without any forms of help 

🎀 Now:

I'm thankful that I'm delivered from such a terrible bondage

🔑 KEY QUESTION 🔑, why I stayed?:

Well, I didn't even know I was being psychologically abused (of cause now, I know 😅)

So, genetic predispositions refer to the hereditary factors or genetic traits that increase the likelihood of an individual developing certain characteristics or conditions. In the case of narcissistic traits, research suggests that genetics can play a role in predisposing individuals to exhibit certain personality traits associated with narcissism.

However, genetic predispositions alone are not deterministic; environmental factors also play a significant role in shaping personality development.

Blame shifting is a common behaviour among individuals with narcissistic traits. It involves deflecting responsibility for one's actions onto others, often to avoid accountability or to maintain a sense of superiority.

🔽🔽🔽🔽🔽🔽🔽

Experiencing moments where one is reminded of this behaviour from a past relationship is distressing. Especially when it involves the next generation (it's a generation cycle if it's not fixed).

In summary the below is what was done these years. The key thing is - this is a journey where both you, a survivor of mental/verbal/emotional/coercive abuse and your child(ren) is letting go of the past and re-learning life. So don't beat yourself up if you 'lose it' in a moment, reflect with your kid(s) and be sincere in apologising, acknowledging that you are wrong, why and how you'all can work together to change. Keep focusing on moving forward together. Don't look back, don't blame the past or the ex (this is modeling the exact behaviour that we are trying to ractify).

➡️ Please drop me a comment or DM if you are experiencing anything related to these and you simply need someone to rant or talk, ok? I know it's very challenging, YOU CAN DO IT! ⬅️

👉 Model Healthy Behaviour:

Be a role model for your child by demonstrating accountability for your actions and taking responsibility when you make mistakes.

Show empathy towards others and encourage open communication within your family.

👉 Encourage Reflection:

Help your child understand the consequences of his/her actions by encouraging reflection and discussing the impact of his/her behaviour on others.

Encourage him to consider different perspectives and how his actions affect those around him.

👉 Set Clear Expectations:

Establish clear boundaries and expectations for behaviour in your household. Let your child(ren) know what is and isn't acceptable behaviour, and consistently enforce consequences when boundaries are crossed.

👉 Teach Conflict Resolution:

Teach your kid(s) healthy ways to resolve conflicts and disagreements without resorting to blame-shifting or manipulation.

Encourage active listening, empathy, and compromise.

👉 Provide Emotional Support:

Create a supportive environment where your child feels safe expressing his/her emotions and discussing his concerns.

Validate his/her feelings and offer guidance and reassurance as he/she navigates challenges.

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

By consistently reinforcing these principles and providing guidance and support, we can help the next generation develop healthy habits and behaviours that promote accountability, empathy, and positive communication skills.

---

Most importantly, if you are a Christian be it now, in past or a new believer, build up close relationship with God, stay close to God because, God was the one who guided me on all these (He did sent people to help especially at the very start when I was walking-dead), and ultimately Jesus's love was/and is what touched and changed my child's heart. Jesus have helped me and my child alot, not only pure finance, emotions, healing, etc etc, but He gives whatever my child asked for because I simply can't afford it, He gave not only the needs but also the wants 🤧

#momsoflemon8 #RealTalk #parenting #parentingtips #Parenting101 #parentingsingapore #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissistabuse #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth