Preparing for death…

I lost my mum this year in April 2024. She was battling with cancer - MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome) a type of blood cancer, for more than 5 years. This type of cancer usually takes lives away in 3-4 years according to her doctor. Her doctor was also quite shocked that my mum managed to stay so strong even after 5 years. Keep this in mind as I cont my story below later: My mum is a VERY OPTIMISTIC person. Even when she received the news that she had cancer, she still live her days like she doesn’t have it lol.

To be honest, her death was not surprisingly for me or my siblings. We knew it was going to come one day. But we didn’t expect it to be so sudden.

My mum was complaining of hip pain and breathlessness. So we admitted her to the hospital. She stayed there for around 5 days. I was working from home that day when I suddenly received a call from my mum. “The doctor said that there’s no cure. He asked me to go home wait to die in 3 days. So… I’m left with 3 days. Can you come and bring me home?” I was lost for words. I immediately told my brother and we rushed down to the hospital. I saw my mum. She was looking fine. She was still smiling to us and said, “let’s go home”

We wanted to see the docs and asked more info about my mum’s condition. So I went to asked the nurse for the docs that had seen my mum and gave her the prognosis of her having 3 days left. She nurse said the docs was busy and he had rounding to do. So we were brought to the discharge lounge and wait for the discharge papers. Then the doctor came out of the ward and my mum was like, “there. This doctor said I’m left with 3 days. Ask me go home and wait to die.” At this point in time both me and my brother was still in shock I guess. So I ran up to the docs and told him to tell us what did he exactly said to my mum??

“Ya that’s right. Your mum is left with 3-5 days. Due to her cancer, there’s no meds or treatments for her. Nothing else we can do. I’m sorry. I made a deal with your mum. If she comes back to the hosp again, we will send her to the hospice. We won’t be treating her anymore. No point doing blood transfusion also. It’s a waste and also increase her risk of infection” In my mind was like, “??????? Wtf are you talking about?” But again… I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I mean, as mentioned above, her death was inevitable. But she looks fine and all and she’s still walking and all you’re telling me she’s left with 3 days???

So he left us there to digest everything that he said and walked away. lol. We waited there for an hour for the discharge papers and still no news. Hello?? You told my mum to discharge and the papers are still not signed after an hour?? Knowing my mum hates waiting, I asked the nurse if my mum can go back first and I wait there for the papers. They said it was ok. So my mum went back with my brother first.

As I was alone, the more I think the angrier I got. Why would a doctor tell a terminally ill person that she’s left with 3 days and ask her to go home and wait for death to come?? Is there no empathy in him or what? If it’s really bad news, shouldn’t you tell the family the situation instead? To reduce the blow to the patient?? As I was thinking about all these, I received a call from the doctor. “I’m sorry. I just talked to your mum’s cancer doctor. I didn’t know she still have quality of life. Her doctor told me your mum still can go overseas and staycations. I didn’t know she was still going thru treatments. I didn’t know she was still doing blood transfusion. She can cont her treatments next week.” When I heard all these I mind went blank. So you told my mum all those for nothing? What do you mean you didn’t know my mum has quality of life? So if she doesn’t, even as a doc, you’re not going treat her??? I was so pissed.

So after I went home, my mum turned into a totally different person. She wasn’t the optimistic person that I knew anymore. She literally laid on the bed for 3 days. Didn’t want to move or eat. She said she’s just waiting for her time to come. Funny thing is, 3 days later, she said, “err… why am I still alive? I thought I’m sps to be died?” LOL. My mum can be clowning sometimes 🥲 her own docs and her team came over for a house visit and we told them everything that happened in the hosp. They were super shocked at how the doc in the hosp treated my mum and how the doc in the hosp spoke to my mum. In the end, they told my mum she’s fine. Lol. She still has months to go. That was when my mum started to leave her bed and went out for dinners with her friends.

However, deep inside she was deeply affected by the prognosis. I believe when someone is strong emotionally, their body will also try to be strong with them physically. But when one starts to give up, the body gives up with them. My siblings and I wanted to complain and sue the doctor who gave my mum the prognosis. But my mum being my mum… she’s a super kind hearted person and said to just let it go…

I respected her decision. So we ended up not doing anything to the doctor. If I could, I would complain at least so that he wouldn’t do it to another patient ever again. What if the person is not as strong as my mum? They hear the news, they want to just jump down how? 😡

Eventually, my mum passed 1 week later. Could it be the doctor’s fault that affected my mum mentally and that she had given up along with her body or because the doctor was really right? Bear in mind… she was a very positive and strong person but she just crashed when she heard this prognosis. She was so lost. She said to me, “I knew I was going to die but I didn’t know it’s going to be 3 days.”

What do you guys think you’ll do if you’re in my shoes? Forgive and forget?