living with bipolar disorder

Living with Bipolar Disorder.

hi everyone! as mental health awareness week had just pass, i would like to play a part and share my story on my own mental health journey. i barely post the ‘negative’ aspect of life on my page but i believe everyone has their own struggles and sharing might allow people to know that they are not alone.

i haven’t been posting much as i was warded in IMH (i’ll share about my experience in my future post) the past week and these past few weeks has been quite a struggle for me as i was going through an episode of my bipolar disorder.

lets start with understanding bipolar disorder, it is categorize as bipolar I and bipolar II. bipolar I has both mania/hypomania and depressive episodes and bipolar II has only hypomania and depressive episodes. based on google and many medical forums, bipolar I has mania which is a more intensive ‘happy/high’ episodes which last abit shorter but bipolar II has only hypomania which is a less intensive version but it last way longer than mania. however, some people with bipolar II suffers a long and worse depressive episode. these episodes last minimum 2 weeks and can go up to months on end. the unfortunate reality of bipolar is that it is uncurable but can only be managed.

now lets talk about my experience, i suffer from bipolar II. i have very long hypomania episodes that last for at least 2 months and my depressive episodes are super bad as it triggers thoughts of ending it all. i was diagnosed with in back in 2019 when i was taking my olvls. i couldn’t concentrate having crazy mood swings for months. during hypomania it can be compared as being on top of the world, nothing can faze me and i am super productive even when surviving on minimal sleep. i’ll spend a lot of money and do crazy amount of activities (if interested yall could search up some behavioural patterns of mania/hypomania). personally, my hypomania will end up with a huge crash and followed by my depressive episodes which is pretty much the same symptoms as depression and that too takes months for me to recover. so you could imagine having half of the year spent on having these crazy mood swings, your body really takes a toll. dont even get me started on mixed episodes which is a combination of both at once which is super confusing and add major stress mentally and physically (which unfortunately i suffer from). what is worse for me is that i have something called rapid cycling which means i get in and out an episodes very easily so i barely have a normal period in my life and i go through 3 or more episodes in a year (im so tired guys…). since my diagnoses the only way to manage is via medication and therapy. to my fellow bipolar survivors PLEASE TAKE UR MEDS REGULARLY AND ON TIME EACH DAY!!! taking meds only decreases the intensity of the episodes but you will still most likely go through a few episodes (its inevitable sadly…) so how did it affect me? i think this still affects me till today. its really hard to maintain a normal healthy life, there are many lost potentials that i still grieve today as i tend to mess up things due to my episodes. bipolar also messes with your memory, it is harder to remember things, i pretty much forget about a lot of things and sometimes even important dates or birthday which i need to set an alarm reminder for. it also messes with my physical body as during hypomania i will overexert my body and i’ll tend to fall sick pretty often. i do ‘self-medicate’ using unhealthy habits to ease my symptoms so im forced not to feel much. i just grieve what i could be and the consequences of things i do during hypomania.

how am i coping? i have an amazing support system like my family and my friends which im utterly grateful for. they do help me identify triggers and when im slipping into an episode so ill know when to seek help and adjust my meds so i wouldn’t go thru with a full episode. however, there were some hard conversations as a percentage of people with bipolar tend to take themselves out. its a long-term illness and with any long term illness it comes with its own struggles.

the sad reality of bipolar is that you would need to sacrifice a lot to maintain a normal mood such as sleeping early, not smoke or drink, eat meds on time so you wouldn’t trigger an episode. personally, i have been in a dilemma of getting a partner as it would cause some type of burden to him when i do slip into an episode and bipolar disorder in inherited so i don’t want to put my children at risk of having it as it is not easy to go through.

on the bright side, many people with bipolar disorder do get to live a happy life with the right meds and great support system. hopefully, ill be like them one day as im still on my journey of maximizing my life living with bipolar (even though its been 5 years). wish me luck guys! do pm or comment if you have any questions!

#MentalHealth #bipolardisorder #depression