Obsessive Behavior: Diary Entry No.4

Back in June or July I woke up one day, looked myself in the mirror and declared out loud…“ no one is coming to save you.” This was the pivotal moment that shifted my entire mindset around my fitness and physical health. I became obsessed with everything “Gym”.

I lacked the discipline and consistency to get after my personal fitness goals. I thought it was normal to wake up thinking about fitness and going to sleep thinking about fitness looking at videos on form, the best supplements, learning a lot about protein and calories etc.

The reason why I’m talking about this is because even when you become obsessive over something that has the ability to sustain your attention especially in a mind where ADHD runs rapid… You come to realize that you still may not reach your goals, or become a master at the thing you’re currently obsessed with.

I’m still not where I desire to be with my fitness goals, (don’t let the cute gym set and the pose fool you) and yes I’m sure someone will see this/me and think I am their fitness goals. But that’s the beauty in being your own worst critic (especially if you’re obsessing over obtaining a goal like this) one thing I love about fitness is there is no cheat code, you can’t lie your way into the body of your dreams. Some days, you have good body days— where you feel like it is GIVING! Ate and left no crumbs, and other days you want to make brownies and watch heartfelt Disney movies with your friends. ( AND THATS OKAY) this gym stuff is a marathon not a race.

I look in the mirror and I don’t see the poster body I want yet, but when I’m in the gym I see myself adding more weight to the bar because it’s gotten too easy for me to push, I see myself doing the stair master for 20+ mins when I used to only do 3 mins… this is my reminder that everything takes time, we live in our skin, so we don’t see the change…but our friends and family see what we don’t.

This diary isn’t to change my mind about my obsession with the gym because this year the gym single handedly saved my life on a mental and spiritual level. So I’ll keep obsessing over it because it brings me peace.

One thing I love is the boost in confidence within myself. I have really terrible anxiety, and my gym anxiety for several months kept me from going to the gym during busy hours, when at times that’s the only time I had available… or when I went from wearing a oversized hoodie and a hat so low you couldn’t even see my nose… to now wearing cute gym sets that show off the body I’d been hiding for months!

I’m not like everyone else, if you find something HEALTHY to become obsessive about. By all means do it! There are a plethora of things we could be obsessed with. Sex, drugs, money etc. but becoming obsessed with your physical, mental or spiritual wellbeing will never be judged in my book…

Simply because no one knows your story, and what brought you to this point. Love yourself, and learn yourself, do not be afraid to challenge yourself because as I stated before… NOBODY is coming to save YOU!

And remember, nobody said you have to run fast, just start running. This is your marathon, enjoy your pace and raise your endurance.

Love you Pookie.

Xo,Denver

-Tea 💞💋

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