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(This is a continuation of Part 1, read it here)
Right after the breakup, I plunged into my second darkness of depression all over again, finding it hard to believe that a man I loved so much had chosen to give up on our relationship, even though I had tried my very best. The whole relationship and the breakup had given me serious trauma because both made me question my entire life and my realityโmemories, feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. I doubted everything that I had experienced in my life, wondering if it was even real. I became dissociated from life. I was haunted by the good and bad memories of my past relationship and all of my exโs promises that were broken or undelivered. I even suffered from persistent chest pain and breathing difficulties for months.
I eventually saw my first ray of light when I chanced upon attachment theory on IG, and it gave me huge comfort to realise that I was not the only one who was looking for answers to my emotional experience. According to the theory, people behave in certain ways in their relationships depending on the kind of childhood traumas they have gotten while growing up, and these behaviours are mostly done on an unconscious level due to our activated nervous system trying to protect ourselves. And so I found out that I had an anxious attachment style while my ex had an avoidant attachment style, which explained why we always triggered each other.
Learning about attachment theory was only the tip of the iceberg. As I read up more about it, I came to learn about the โhealingโ concept. Healing can have quite a few definitions, but to me, healing is about loving myself so much that I want to become the highest and most authentic version of myself. To do that, I have to heal my attachment wounds, triggers, fears, negative thinking, and unhelpful behavioural responses. It was definitely a painful process, and I doubted the point of healing at times, but I knew the benefits that come from healing would be life-changing.
โ๐๐ง ๐ต๐ณ๐ข๐ถ๐ฎ๐ข ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐งโ โ ๐๐ณ ๐๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐๐ข๐ตรฉ
Ever since then, Iโve focused on my own healing, and I could see the changes in my behaviour, mindset, and emotions. I understood that Iโll be on this healing journey for the rest of my life, and it makes me appreciate and enjoy life a bit more every day. And the only reason I chose healing was for me and me alone, so that I can live my best life moving forward and attract all the healing people into my life who will grow together with me.
So how was the breakup a wake-up call for me? Well, I certainly learned a painful lessonโthat I did not love myself, that I had low self-worth and no boundaries, that I had a fear of abandonment and was afraid of losing people I love, that I was too forgiving in the name of love, that I should have stood up for myself by calling out toxic behaviour, and that I should not have settled for anything less than my values and standards. All these realisations made me determined to commit to my healing so that Iโll never abandon myself again, no matter who or what.
๐ท๐ท๐ท
I hope you enjoyed reading this piece as much as I enjoyed writing it. Iโm on a mission to inspire all women to find healing and get our power back so we can live more conscious and fulfilling lives ๐๐๐ปโจ
#relationships #breakups #trauma #emotionalabuse #healing #grief #depression #toxicrelationships #wakeupcall #mystory