4. red flags to look out for

hello zesties!

today i’ll be touching on a highly discussed topic nowadays: red flags. “i love red flags. he’s such a red flag.” these are terms we throw around easily. however, it is monumental to recognise these early warning signs, not just in others but also within ourselves to spur personal growth. firstly, what are red flags? red flags are warning signs which are an indicator of unhealthy or manipulative behaviour. they might be subtle initially yet grow into bigger issues which is why they are so dangerous. as such, when faced with them, stop and ponder the deeper underlying issues they might be signalling and know when to decide they are “ #notforme ”. let’s get into it!

1. poor communication

firstly, poor communication is a sign that the other party might not be fully ready for the relationship. poor communication comes in different ways, from being avoidant when it comes to solving conflicts or simply blowing up easily without seeing the main issue as an “us vs the issue” and instead always finding ways to start fights. they might also not respond to you bringing up recurring issues and get defensive due to being unable to put their ego down and thus end up viewing whatever is stated as a personal attack instead of seeing it as constructive feedback for change. although there can be reasons to justify this poor communication, this doesn't mean you have to deal with it.

2. love bombing

one of the most prevalent issues these days is probably the influx of love bombing behaviour, especially due to the large volume of people using dating apps. love bombing is a manipulative tactic whereby someone “bombs” you with excessive love and attention such that the recipient becomes dependent, obligated and emotionally attached to the giver. however, when the attention is suddenly taken away, you end up feeling confused and perhaps even worthless.if they’re calling you “baby” and telling you they miss you one day then acting flakey the next, they are probably playing mind games with you. some instances of love bombing might not be intentional. another subtle form of love bombing is inconsistency. however, they are equally harmful and hence you should take note of when you feel like your partner is love bombing you.

3. all talk, no action (basically liars)

“i’ll never go to the club again. i’ll never like another girl’s photo on instagram.” if absolute statements are always thrown around but never kept to, that’s a sign that your partner uses words to placate you instead of meaning them. empty promises are a form of manipulation in which words which you would like to hear are said just to please you in the moment but the person who is saying these phrases never really mean them. talk is easy, so never fall for that. instead, find someone who talks the talk and walks the walk. these people are likely to be more trustworthy in the long run.

4. anger issues

they can come in the form of controlling or threatening behaviour. if they are constantly jealous of your friends or refuse to let you wear whatever you want or even spend time alone, this is a sign that they are controlling and might want to be the centre of your world. it might sound romantic initially but most of the time, your partner should not be your only friend so if they’re asking you to cut off other people in your life, it might be a bad sign. another red flag that should ring bells is when your partner resorts to threats so that you won’t leave them. once can be written off but when it happens more than that, know that you should leave for your own safety.

5. lack of commitment

situationships are a relatively newer concept whereby people “date” and partake in activities that are usually done by couples in a relationship. however, there is actually no label to the relationship and therefore no commitment. if you want commitment and a relationship whereas the other party refuses to give that to you with a multitude of reasons, it is highly likely that you are merely a placeholder where they get their required emotional and physical intimacy. however, once they meet someone they can see a long-term future with, they would be likely to not look back as no strings are attached to you. being in such situations whereby there is lack of clarity creates more room for relationship anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. hence, if you are ever put in this situation, hold your head high and walk away.

these 5 signs listed above are indicators of a relationship that might not be the most healthy. however, they are in no way exhaustive and exclude obvious red flags such as cheating or getting physical. sometimes, the other party might have their own reasons for being this way, be it trauma from a previous relationship or unresolved personal issues. however, rationalising their behaviour does not excuse the negative impact they have on others. at the end of the day, you probably know your relationship best and you're the only one who can decide that you can do better than what is in front of you. at the same time, while it might be tempting to keep giving your partner chances, remember that apology without change is manipulation. i hope this has helped some of you! if you are interested in a part 2 where i delve deeper into less noticeable signs of a failing relationship such as dismissiveness and a lack of compatibility, let me know! my dms are also always open for a chat.

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#notforme #relationship #relationshipadvice #redflag #RealTalk #girltalk