Biggest intervention after binge eating for years

Hi Zesties! 🍋

I have been on the fence whenever it came to my weight as it yo-yo-ed quite a bit throughout my life. For reference, these were pretty much my weight ranges.

16-17 yrs : 56kg

18-20 yrs : 67-70kg, it did drop drastically to 60kg at one point due to my depression

21-25 yrs : 70-80kg

And recently, I took my weight secretly at a friend’s place to see it was 89.9kg. A whooping 33.9kg increase. I definitely knew I was in denial for years with binge eating and struggling with my mental state. I always sought for comfort in food and eating my feelings away. It didn’t help growing up in a household where my family were very judgemental on looks among each other and being the “fat one” even when I was at a healthier weight range gave my family immense joy of being “skinnier than the fat fuck” family member.

My biggest wake up call was walking into a Cotton On, where their sizes are pretty inclusive (going up to an XL considering SG’s market and the average being an S to M) and realizing the XL could not fit me anymore. Even the men’s XL stuff was starting struggling to keep my body in.

It also came to me that it has been two to three years where I felt embarrassed for my partner who still loved me through and through and whenever he did PDA, like a peck on my cheek or a hug, I noticed disgusted looks ESPECIALLY from the older ones who had a “wah he really loves her despite all that” expression. It really hit me hard.

Over the years, it also didn’t help when I had acquaintances and ex friends who would not think twice and say things like;

“Wah you damn fat now eh”, “belle you really looked better in the past”, “eh you fat fuck now eh”, “bell how you even walk now”

It definitely got into my head and admittedly, I continued to eat into my feelings over the years while struggling with my diet by puking whatever I ate or overeating.

Ok that’s my sob story, but this really pushed me to fully invest on my health both physically and mentally. I made the following changes!

🏃‍♀️ SIGNING UP FOR A GYM MEMBERSHIP: pls pls pls do this only if you are hiring a PT or you have friends to go with, while many put up their achievements and state they went alone, other aspects that come into play is your form/posture. I have a super bad form due to years of working in events/theatre and most recently with tattooing. You could really injure yourself if you don’t have someone to check your form before using the equipment.

🥗 CHANGING UP MY DIET: I know many people struggle with this, but let me haolian abit. I am quite proud of myself for picking up cooking in my earlier years, so I not only know what are the healthier options but I also know what to avoid for cooking since I decided to meal prep. I find myself removing yolks from my eggs, buying more veg, buying more lean meat and using other methods such as air frying, boiling, steaming and even grilling. I wished I did this earlier but as mentioned, not a reason or justifying myself, my binge eating went ham (until I become the ham lmao)

💖 I still love myself despite everything. I may have the moments of not liking my body or my face, but I truly believe if you want to be healthier, it’s hard to start the journey if you are hating and shitting on yourself constantly. This makes you feel you can’t do more to improve. Just recently I had my first fat shaming experience in the gym, while I am thankful my friends felt angry on my behalf, the very thought that I decided to join a gym membership and change up my lifestyle overrides such comments. It’s very hard, admittedly it took me years to love myself enough to want to make changes. However I really think having the right mindset towards this makes it a lot smoother to start.

Anyway that’s for now, I am barely starting out and I can safely say I feel loads better about myself. Hopefully I can do a check in confidently in about 3 to 6 months time! 🏋🏻‍♀️🫰🏻

*small but very much appreciated thank you to those who have offered advice through my DMs and comments, I definitely have taken majority of it into consideration even before being told so through researching but pls understand that I am putting my body through the changes, so I am being realistic about moving into a healthier lifestyle so it’s definitely going to take more than a day or two to fully change things for the better!*

#MyFreeTime #GirlTalk #RealTalk #WhyILemon8 #lemongym