I want another baby but I’m scared

My sweet baby turns a year old tomorrow. Makes me miss all the things and I have little baby fever all over again every time I see these memories pop up!

I had a great pregnancy once I got out of the first trimester. I lost 17lbs my first trimester due to being so sick. My doctor got onto me because I wasn’t gaining any weight so he gave me anti nausea pills which were ✨heaven sent✨

But outside of that, I loved being pregnant. I got to eat whatever I wanted, I got to wear whatever I wanted, No one looked at me funny for doing things that I feel I would usually get stared at for if I wasn’t pregnant. Those weird food combos that I eat while I’m not pregnant?? I get stared at. But when I am pregnant? No one bats an eye. (I’m just saying, mustard on biscuits and gravy is amazing) are you judging me for saying that👁️👄👁️

I also had such an amazing labor and delivery experience, my water broke unexpectedly a year ago today, at 11pm. So it was super exciting getting to sneak off to the hospital with my husband without telling anyone at night and then wake everyone up at 2am with a phone call saying it’s baby time!! I LOVED IT!! Driving to the hospital at night while having contractions and there’s no one else on the road is the best feeling ever because you know you won’t have your baby in the middle of traffic. (Not that I was that far into labor but you get what I mean) minus the contractions, it was so exciting to have our families at the hospital in the middle of the night.

Not to mention, we have the cutest baby ever and we get told on the daily that she should be the next gerber baby because she’s just so perfect. She’s so easy, always has been. She even sleeps 10-12 hours a night and has since she was 2 weeks old! She is so good at sharing, she has the funniest sense of humor at such a young age, and any church nursery/daycare she’s been in, they always say she’s so sweet and great with the other babies and plays so well. We have a unicorn baby!!

Here’s what I’m scared of, I don’t necessarily want another epidural, as much as I LOVED having one because I didn’t feel anything and I was comfortable and had literally zero problems… sometimes I can feel where they put the needle in my back. It doesn’t necessarily hurt but it throws me off sometimes that I can feel the exact spot a year later if I’m laying or moving a certain way or something. Idk it’s just weird and scares me that if I was to get another one that I would actually hurt from it like some women say they do.

But i definitely don’t want to give birth unmedicated because OW. I had contracted for 7 hours without the epidural and I looked my husband square in the eyes when he was trying to help me control my breathing and I said “I feel like someone’s stabbing me” while crying. So there’s that. I probably traumatized him 😂

Also, 2 kids is so much different than just going from zero to 1. You gotta keep 2 humans alive, you have to provide for 2 humans, you have to spread your time out enough for 2 kids and so on. I want my daughter to have a sibling because I wouldn’t know what life would be like without mine. We are a year apart and I absolutely love it! I want my daughter to have that, but as a first time parent it scares me to think it wouldn’t truly be how it was the first time, I would be pregnant and then taking care of a baby while taking care of a toddler. Plus, I can’t even imagine loving another baby as much as I love our daughter. I know everyone says it comes naturally but does it really? How could I possibly love another tiny human the same way I love my daughter?!

My husband is on the fence just as much as I am and I know you can never 100% be ready for anything so it’s one of those things that you just have to do and dive in to it.

#babydiaries #futurebaby #pregnancy #pregnancyjourney #family