I deserved a better role model

I am not a family person I chose to be that family member that comes around every once in a while and that nobody has their number.

I was discussing with my long-distance cousin how it’s so for me to cut off a friend & family member. But it’s so hard for me to let a dude go. I find that very weird for myself because I can stop talking but when it comes to a guy oh I have an excuse for myself

Not to bash my mom but she’s a prime example she drops her family her kids her life for a guy who is so horrible and disrespectful to her. I get that she loves him but that’s not good love. I don’t wanna be her. I have a plan to disappear and go quiet on everyone to go get healthy I don’t wanna be sad all the time and I’m tired of myself talking about the past. If I can get over a nobody doing sum to me. I should be able to get over a family member's actions too.

I have a lot of self-reflection to do & I need to gain more respect for myself. I can’t tell her to leave, etc if I can’t do the same, and also I’m always helping her like it feels like I’m her mother.

Why I don’t have good relationships with people because I pity myself too much. After all, honestly, I think I do. Then sometimes I’ve noticed I like to outdo people and I get mad when the attention is not on me. It’s like I’m still a kid and it’s crazy I’ve seen and realized this about myself.

I can cut my entire family & friends off but I can’t cut a guy off that's so backward I'm just starting to think am I the issue? I'm my issue with why I'm not the greatest person I'm too busy chasing people but my laziness but can't chase myself seriously is wrong with me

I want it to change. I have to make that change. I can’t cry wolf. I have self-control and self-discipline

What are your thoughts?

Are you going or have you experienced before ?

#embracevulnerability #blackgirllemon8 #mommyissues #selfdevelopment #accountability #HelpMeDecide