from quarter life crisis to mid life crisis

I spent 8 hours in the hospital the other day because I had to accompany my father for his pre-op checkup.

That left me with a lot of space to think and reflect about life.

When I was in my 20s, life revolved around understanding and establishing my identity as a young adult. It was something I never really had the chance to do when I was a (really) young adult / teen. Was it because I never really had a safe space to do so? I dont really know.

Now that I am in my 30s, here are some new norms that I have discovered:

1. You may suddenly realise that your parents have aged significantly

Most of our parents are hitting 60 or are in their early 60s at this point.

My dad's 62 and my mum's 58. My mum takes quite good care of her skin so she doesnt really look 58, but my dad looks like he's aged a lot over the past few years.

His wrinkles have multiplied and thickened. His frame has started to shrink ever so slightly.

My mum on the other hand has more and more anti ageing skincare at home. It's insane I swear. I've told her to add retinol / various acids into her skincare here and there. She tries her best to look younger by dressing up too.

2. Their health may start to experience sharper declines

My father got his first minor heart attack a few years back. He's going for his bypass soon, which was why we're in the hospital quite a bit these days for pre-op checks.

My father has the classic high bp, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, regular gouts, diabetes combo. For this reason I am extremely afraid for my own health (more on that later). I measure my BP religiously. I exercise at least 2-3 times a week. I try to make sure that I walk a lot everyday.

My mum's health is milder (she got her high bp under control) and in general she's still quite healthy, though she had a health scare recently and that prompted her to go for a more thorough health checkup.

When we were young, our parents looked invincible. When they were in their 30s, I thought that they could do everything and anything that they wanted to. ALTHO.... my dad doesnt really take special care when it comes to diet – he started to take his high bp meds in his 30s 🥲 it was never really a big issue until his heart attack. He still believes that his body is pretty ok. We met his anaesthesiologist the other day and he discovered that my dad had hyperkalemia (high blood potassium) from the blood test that day. The anae was so alarmed that he didnt wanna discharge my dad for the day, so we had to go to a&e to get treated. At that point we were already in the hospital for about 8 hours, so we were really, really tired. My dad kept saying that he felt ok and he didnt get the need for a&e.

they repeated his bloods in a&e eventually and his K levels went down, so he didnt need any treatment in the end.

3. And as their health start to decline, YOU may find yourself starting to having to care for them more and more

at this point, the roles may start to reverse. You become the caregiver. You find yourself having to explain to your father that high K levels is actually dangerous and his dr had every reason to be concerned. And that is regardless of whether your father feels ok or not in that moment.

You may find that you are now the first person the hospital calls, because in the past when your mum was listed as next-of-kin, your mum just brushed everything off when the nurse called her because she didnt understand english. I didnt even know she received a call until i got to the hospital and learnt about certain new info for the first time 🫠

You also may find yourself in a little bit of a debate with your father, because he feels ok, he may refuse to get checked and treated more thoroughly. He may start to say that the doctor was wrong or overreactive (unlikely – a dr's job is to interpret the data presented and to identify the best course of treatment with the best outcomes right), or that the results were wrong (this is a false positive!!!!! I feel fine!!!!). But he will never, ever want to admit that perhaps at the point of drawing blood he maybe really did have high K levels, and over the next few hours the K levels gradually fell.

You may find that your life science background has 0 influence on his views. It doesnt matter how well you understand the mechanisms on a molecular level – so long as he *feels* ok, to him, the potential risks are not risks. his "feeling ok" actually resulted in him delaying his heart treatment significantly. He should have gotten a bypass back then, but because HE FELT OK, he dragged this on for about 2 years. No matter how I pleaded, explained, scolded, gently coaxed, NOTHING WORKED.

ok enough about parents. Moving on...

4. You may find YOUR OWN HEALTH on the decline

#sadbuttrue

The moment I turned 30, I felt like things started to go haywire more and more for no reason...???????

I've been struggling with PCOS for a long time.

I'm now starting to find my body getting more frequent aches. Not sleeping makes me feel more tired than before. When i fall sick, I take slightly longer than before to fully recover.

5. And so you may find yourself being a little bit of a hypochondriac

My bf always laughs at me because I overreact all the time.

when I get a migraine, I'd think of getting a MRI.

When I get more frequent stomachaches, I'd think of getting a scope. (I still am thinking about this one - I tried to get a referral letter at a GP but the dr refused to give me one stating that I just have colic 🥲 but I think I'll just go to a polyclinic next to get a letter!!!)

but ok tbh I am just taking my health more seriously than before!!!!

6. You start to question your life choices more than before

In my 20s, life was more about experimenting and trying new things. Fast forward a decade, I feel like I no longer have the luxury of time to do so. I now crave for stability and a peace of mind.

I once wrote that I went into my side hustle full-time, and obviously, being self-employed is not a bed of roses – it comes with so many challenges (especially logistical ones fml) and I am getting tired of dealing with those. I am currently at a point where I either expand (i.e. get a physical space that can accommodate retail) or... pivot (I've recently gone for up-skilling) into a more diverse range of services (which also means more logistical challenges) or......... figure something else out.

I really dont know what to do yet. But I do know that I miss having company insurance to cover all my health checkups 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I also find myself starting to think a lot about what it means to settle down with someone.

In a place like SG, the conventional route is to meet someone when you're a little younger, apply for BTO, maybe have 1 or 2 kids, and to work in a corporate job that provides stability to support starting and maintaining a family.

I dont even know if this route is even suitable for us. Heck, I dont even know if this route is a priority for us at all.

settling down with someone can mean a lot of things. You can be a de facto couple – i never knew this was a thing till my friend told me about it because she's gone out of SG to be with her partner and they now gotta prove that they are a de facto couple to get her visa settled. You can have kids with someone without marrying (tho this isnt ideal in SG). You can honestly do whatever you want, but damn it living in SG really REALLY puts a lot of pressure on us to go for the conventional route.

We cant get a HDB yet. Getting a home in the private market is a big jump and we arent really ready for such a commitment.

i'm sick and tired of having to live with my mum and when we last argued, she told me to just get married and get a house if I hate being there so much.

Why the fk would I get married for the sake of getting a house!!!!!!! 😡 anyway she is really beyond reason sometimes lol i wont get into that here.

-

If I could, I would hit a reset button and move elsewhere and start everything all over again. My biggest regret is to not have an experience of living abroad. People often tell me that it's not as great as it sounds BUT HEY I want that experience not for the sake of experiencing a rosy perfect ideal life. I want it more for being in a new place with only me myself and I to help myself, to see how I'd fare, to know that I always can go home if all else doesnt work out.

tho according to my psychic, I'm also not meant to live abroad 🤷🏻‍♀️

#GirlTalk #RealTalk