silent quitting after 5 months into the job

Hello 🍋

Usually, I like to keep things light and avoid posting negative content, but this particular work experience makes me feel compelled to share so that others don’t have to go through the same. There are so many aspects I want to discuss about this experience, so I will split it into three parts: the boss, the company, and HR/admin. In this post, I will cover the boss in my department.

I started out enjoying the job because it was something I wanted to do. I only had minor complaints about my direct supervisor, who often didn't give me a heads-up about what we would be doing each day, causing me to rush my work just to finish on time. Some context before the story: my boss didn’t have a good impression of me and thought I wasn’t doing my job because I left work slightly earlier one day.

The company had a charity event and requested me to arrange flowers to sell for the cause, but the time required for this was only after my working hours. I tried to rush everything and didn't skip any work at all. One day before the event, I still had quite a few things to do, so I requested to leave 2 hours earlier, offering to make up the time on other days. He didn’t seem too happy about it, but he still allowed me to leave.

Fast forward to three months into the job, I was already given my own projects to handle—something my role usually doesn’t require, especially just three months in. Initially, I had some help, but afterwards, I was left alone to figure things out. We had to give bi-weekly presentations on our progress, and the boss of my department did not provide much feedback or advice on my work. Two months after taking on my own projects, I was informed that I needed to help another colleague with his project. I didn’t want to, as my projects were already demanding a lot of time and effort, and I was still trying to manage them.

I told my boss that I needed to talk to him and went into his office. I started by saying that I didn’t want to take on extra commitments as I was already feeling strained and wasn’t receiving guidance. I then said I don’t think I can help that colleague with his work and I hope he can understand. He was clearly displeased with what I said. He then went on to belittle my efforts, despite knowing that I had little guidance, and used an accusatory tone, saying I should help other colleagues since I was “incompetent.” I didn’t even have the chance to say anything as he kept emphasizing my incompetence. Initially, when he said all that, I was okay; I thought I should reflect on where I went wrong and put in more effort. I didn’t think it was a personal attack or anything, but he kept saying I wasn't doing well and had no achievements (sorry??), and it made me feel like it was personal now—that he was attacking me as a person, not just as his subordinate.

I couldn’t control myself, and I broke down—my biggest regret. I cried in front of him, and guess what he did... he threw paper towels on the table and asked why I was crying. I then explained that I was trying my best but needed more guidance, but his expression told me he didn’t care about what I had to say. I even quoted something he said, and he denied it, despite mentioning it multiple times. Before I left the office, he said, and I QUOTE, "Don't be so emotional in my office. Else it is very hard to discuss work." I agreed that I was emotional, but I felt that he could have apologized for his tone or choice of words or mentioned this some other time—not right after I cried. From that day onwards, I really wanted to quit. It’s actually his job to guide us on our projects, especially since I don’t really have the educational qualifications to be managing a project on my own. I am qualified for my role, but the tasks he wanted me to do were beyond that. Other labs don’t have this practice, but he insists that everyone in the lab takes on their own projects without providing proper guidance, and worse still, criticizes us for not delivering.

After that conversation, I really wanted to quit. I broke down even more in the toilet and texted my partner. I felt bad for wanting to quit. I was only 5 months into my job—what would it look like on my resume? What would others think of me? Am I just too mentally weak? Questions like these were bombarding my mind. After thinking it through for a solid week, I decided to hang on for as long as I could. I didn’t want it to look bad on my resume, I didn’t want to quit so easily, I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t care what the boss thought about me; I continued doing my work and projects. I still tried my best, but I could feel myself silently quitting. I used to put in extra effort into other things—like keeping the environment clean and tidy—but I didn’t care anymore. I just did what I had to and left on time 90% of the time (and I also came on time!).

When I recall that conversation, I always feel like I was gaslighted by him and felt very underappreciated and demotivated. I feel that as a leader, you should lead and understand the concerns of your team members and not just criticising them, putting more pressure and stress (as if that will always work) and hence why I described him as a boss and not a leader. Time seemed to have stopped for me; it felt so long and hard to finish my 1-year contract, but I eventually pulled through. I did quit a few weeks earlier than I should have (and that’s when the saga between me and HR began—check my other post!), but I’m so glad I walked out of that hellhole. I definitely learned how I should handle my emotions better at work and also I feel that I should clarify more on the projects before agreeing to it. Part 2 coming soon 🥲

have you met similar experiences at work? let me know in the comments 🥹

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