La forma más fácil de descargar videos y galerías desde la aplicación Lemon8
Escritorio: haga clic con el botĆ³n derecho y seleccione "Guardar enlace como..." para descargar.
PHOTOS | |||
JPEG | Descargar | ||
JPEG | Descargar | ||
JPEG | Descargar | ||
JPEG | Descargar | ||
JPEG | Descargar | ||
JPEG | Descargar |
I was walking the park trail back to my car when I saw a red, expensive-looking car parked nearby mine. The driverās door was wide open, and I saw a man who looked to be around my age sitting in a relaxed position, shirtless, and deep in thought. As I was making my way to my car, he noticed me and asked me how I was doing. I said āfine.ā He then asked me what my name was. I knew where this was going, and I didnāt want to be bothered that day by anyone. I was freshly high and just wanted to sit in my car and enjoy it.
But out of politeness/people pleasing-ness, I told him my name and then asked him his. Weāre going to refer to this man as āJayā.
Jay then asked me why I was at a park by myself. I told him that I like this park because itās quiet and no one bothers me. He noticed the Black N Mild in my hand and asked if I smoked out here. I said yes, and then he told me that itās not safe for a woman to be out here alone. At this point in my life I was so depressed I didnāt even care about my safety, but I didnāt tell him that. As heās making conversation I notice him looking at me up and down, and I instantly become self conscious, even though Iām fully covered up in the heat of summer.
He then mustered up the nerve to ask me āAre you a freak?ā with a smile. Now, ladies, or whoever is reading, I knew full well to leave this man alone after this. I knew I needed to say goodbye and get into my car, but I didnāt. I was alone, and I didnāt want to anger this man that I did not know. I politely asked him why he would ask me such a thing. He said he just wanted to know. As I was trying to figure out how to end this conversation peaceably, he asked me for my number.
Again, not trying to stir up any anger in this strange man, I changed the subject and asked him what heās doing out here at the park.
āIām homeless. I donāt have any AC in my car and I come out here because this park is out the way. I have a lot going on.ā
My brain could not compute. Homeless? In a car like this?
āOh my goodnessā¦ Iām sorry to hear that. How?ā
He then proceeded to tell me how he fell behind on rent because one of his family members took money from him, and how his business selling branded sweatsuits had not taken off yet. He told me how he used to make his money illegally, but now heās trying to earn money the right way. He felt the need to mention that he had another expensive car but he couldnāt be seen with that car in public because he got in a shootout with it.
At this point I just wanted to run away.
He asked for my number again and told me that he thinks Iām beautiful, and that I seem like a good girl. That we should get together for a walk in the park sometime so that I could be protected with him instead of by myself. That we could smoke together and just chill. I gave him my number and I told God in my brain that I would not contact this man at all, because I knew God was looking at me sideways.
I continue to visit parks by myself with ducked off areas so I can smoke freely. I knew I needed to pray and read my Bible instead, I just couldnāt bring myself to. I was in such a dark place. And when I was high I didnāt have to deal with my problems. I could just vibe out.
After a while of this I began to feel so incredibly lonely. I didnāt have any friends to talk to, I didnāt want to go back to any of my exes, and I had a cousin in Michigan who I would talk to frequently but that wasnāt enough. I needed companionship, face to face human interaction. There was only one person in my Sahara Desert phone who I knew could offer me what I was looking for.
My last ounce of dignity left as I texted Jay to meet up at one of my favorite spots to smoke. He was more than excited to hear from me.
I put on a comfortable sundress, and a spritz of perfume and packed a blanket, a blunt, and some water bottles. As Iām waiting in the park parking lot, a black luxury car pulled up next to mine and I wondered who it was. When he came out of the car I didnāt even recognize him at first. Thankfully, he was wearing a shirt this time, with branded jeans. He had on one of those high priced belts that the rappers brag about, and his hair was neatly tied up in a durag with a chain necklace on. I donāt remember if he had any earrings because my attention was kept by a perfectly placed playboy bunny tattoo under his right eye. His skin was blemish free and a perfect caramel color. When he opened his mouth to greet me, I noticed bottom grills. He told me I looked good in a smooth voice and I knew I had gotten myself into something I should not have. This man knew how to clean up VERY well, and he was beyond fine.
As weāre walking up to the destination, I notice that I feel better walking with a man next to me. I actually feel protected. Heās telling me that when people pass by us they look at me, particularly the men. He says theyāre admiring my beauty. It feels good to be complimented.
We set up by the big train tracks in a place high above the regular walking trails, away from everybody and everything. We spark up and he starts telling me all of his business with his enemies and family and how he ended up in the spot heās in. I notice itās mostly negative talk and Iām turned off by it. I change the subject and he goes along with it. When the train comes I get excited and tell him this is the best part about this spot. He yells over the rush of the train telling me that he likes the different types of graffiti sprayed on the boxes. When the train passes us he says heās glad he got to experience that. I can tell he doesnāt get out into nature much. Maybe if I got to know him more we could make this a regular thing.
My butt starts to hurt from sitting so I lay sideways with my elbow propping my head up and put on some music. He starts telling me that I look really good. I say thank you. I notice him undressing me with his eyes again, just like the last time I saw him, and I get nervous. As heās talking, he reaches his hand out to touch my leg and I brush it away. He then reaches his hand again out to touch my breast and he lightly grazes it before I could smack his hand away. Inwardly, I am horrified. I have never experienced someone so blatantly disrespecting me in this way. I tell him calmly to not touch me. He continues to talk, but as heās talking my heart is sinking.
Here I am, alone with a man I donāt know from Adam, away from everyone and everything, who is crossing boundaries I never even thought Iād have to enforce. Not only has he touched me once unsolicited, but twice, and in one of my most intimate areas. Moreover, based on the stories heās told me today heās made it known that he isnāt afraid to get violent. Heās bigger than me, stronger than me, and if he wanted to he could assault me right here, right now, and no one would be able to hear me or find me to come and help. How could I let my loneliness get me into a situation like this?
As weāre packing up to leave Iām thinking about how I cannot wait to get away from this place; a place I found on my own but is now tainted with an ugly memory. I felt so disturbed and violated. What was it about me that made him think he could treat me that way? Why didnāt he see me as a woman to be respected?
We parted ways, and as I drove home I began to think about my actions leading up to the events of the day. I started to realize that by simply ignoring red flags, I was telling myself and others that Iām ok with being talked to and treated a certain way. When I gave this man my number he had no shirt on, divulged that he was into criminal activity and homeless, and asked me if I was adventurous in the bedroom. Of course heās going to think I donāt respect myself if Iām agreeing to spend time with him. The Lord definitely gave me a fair warning, and the situation could have been so much worse.
This really woke me up and made me realize that the woman I truly wanted to be would NEVER be in a place where I could be taken advantage of like that again. Shortly after this, I repented and made my way back to God. I began to pray for a husband, and listed the qualities I wanted in him. I knew that if I wanted everything I had listed, that I would simply have to wait. I canāt let loneliness put me in compromising positions again.
As of today, Iām still single and Iām still waiting. But while I wait I donāt entertain just anybody. Iām very intentional with who I let in my space. And while knowing that not many ladies have entertained a homeless man, there are many who have entertained an abusive or narcissistic ex, a married man, a man who canāt provide for your needs, or a man that you know will not be your future husband. And I tell you, donāt let loneliness trick you into settling for less than you deserve. Tell God what you desire, and He will make it happen for you! All you have to do is wait. ā„ļø
#lemon8diary #redflag #jesusfollower #bible #relationshipadvice #christianmotivation #embracevulnerability #selflove