National Coming Out Day

It’s national coming out day, which I historically have mixed feelings about.

I don’t think we should HAVE TO come out. I wish we could just. Be. Just live without having to declare ourselves again and again.

But. Pride is about more than survival. It’s about inability to escape being seen, so damn it y’all will see me AS I AM. on MY TERMS.

And I love that, in its own fucked up dystopian bliss.

My name is Ambrose. I am a trans gender-fluid nebulagender nonbinary demisexual gay sapphic man. I usually just say queer.

Anyway, if you wanna celebrate with me in my little way, I’ve got this song on loop basically all of this week but esp today.

I wanna clarify that I was outed forcibly by a friend the first time I tried to explore my queerness, and the entire school Suddenly Hated me, and I had no means of gaining rights in any situation I was being tortured in because so did administrators. They said it was my fault for telling anyone I was queer to begin with, instead of just keeping it to myself. As if it wasn’t normal for 12 year olds to talk about who they like.

I told my mother, bless her God she knew not what she was doing, so she would hear from me and not a classmate. She told me the devil was deceiving me.

When I came out as trans I became a social pariah and received death threats, stalking, and physical assault.

This sounds like a story from the 80s to you maybe. I went to school in the early and mid 2000s.

Coming out for me is ugly.

Coming out for me is trauma.

I want it to be beautiful so badly.

But I also want a world where I could have loved a girl or been a boy without ever once wondering if my schoolmates would beat me or throw rocks at me on my way home. I want a world where it’s not bizarre enough to be queer that I have to clarify that I am here to be seen.

I don’t know. This shit almost killed me so many times. I just want us to stop dying. Carry Narcan, check on your friends, and take care of yourselves yall. I love you.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5ea1Qk4fA4GvFxzIiiW1JT?si=C2baleoDRFCMeyLOnQh3WA