PAINFUL LESSONS AFTER BEING SCAMMED BY A FRIEND!!!

When I was younger, my parents always told me to never lend money to a friend. I've often heard the saying, "only lend what you're willing to lose." Although I don’t fully agree with this—because I can’t fathom how some people have the audacity to take advantage of others’ kindness—I understand where it’s coming from. After all, there's a real chance your money might be gone forever.

In my second year of work, an acquaintance reached out to me, explaining her friend’s dire situation. She mentioned that her friend had been kicked out of her home and was temporarily staying with her. She said her friend urgently needed money to get by and pay for some essentials. I trusted this acquaintance since we had spoken recently, and she seemed nice. She also assured me that she had lent money to this friend before, and her friend had repaid her within the day.

Initially, I was suspicious, wondering, “Why would she need such a large sum? $XXXX?” At the time, I had just started renting my own place and even offered her friend a place to stay temporarily, thinking it might help. She politely declined but was very thankful for the offer.

You can read the receipts for more context, but I was utterly shocked when she later confessed that they both had lost money in a scam and decided to scam me for some quick cash.

Here’s what I learned from this experience:

1. Sometimes it’s okay to say no.

I felt quite guilty saying no because if I could have helped, I genuinely would have. On the other hand, it’s okay to lend a helping hand, but please, please, please practice wisdom and discernment before parting with your money. If you’re uncomfortable, just don’t do it.

Later on, I had friends recommend “quick, short-term” investment solutions, but I chose not to take them up because, even if they seemed legit, you never know when they might pull out.

2. You don’t need to feel guilty.

Why should you feel guilty when these people don’t?

3. Set good, healthy boundaries.

I realized that you can phrase your response nicely and say that you don’t have a habit of lending money. I used to think it was uncompassionate not to lend, but you don’t have to feel this way—you can still help in other ways.

These days, I say something like:

“I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to ask around for money. Unfortunately, I’ve had my fair share of negative experiences with lending money, and I feel uncomfortable doing so. I’m unable to help out financially, but if there’s anything else I can do to make things better, I’d love to help.”

P.s - am not going to name drop because this happened 2 years back, & I promised her that I would keep this confidential since the money has been returned! 💯

Stay wise, everyone!

#summerdiary #RealTalk