My dog has cancer…

Hey zesties…

This is a post I never thought I’d do but I just found out my dog has cancer. I’m not ready to post it on Instagram, the thought of people I know finding out makes it all the more real and I’m just not ready for that, but I wanted to just let my thoughts vomit out somewhere.

Last month we brought our dog to the vet because of an open wound of her leg. The vet told us all’s good and probably just a skin infection and sent us off with antibiotics. It got better a bit but then it got worse. So last week we brought her back, and another vet who was on duty took one look and said it’s cancer, but let’s confirm with a biopsy.

Yesterday, the test results came back and I got the call, it’s cancer. It’s carcinoma, which the vet says is aggressive and usually ends at the lungs. He suggested amputation, which may or may not help. And now there’s another lump on her abdominal lymph nodes, which we just did an FNA to see if it’s cancerous. If it is, they’ll need to remove it too.

I’ve been googling, crying, googling and crying. I can’t find much about other owners experiences with carcinoma, and the vet can’t give me a certain prognosis either. I’m confused and worried, and I hate that all I can do now is wait. I also feel this insane amount of guilt, because I’ve been so busy working that I neglected her a lot. Often, she was home alone the entire day, and when I’m back I’d be so tired I barely interacted with her. I hate myself so much for that, and now that I’ve been spending more time with her, all I see is how happy she is to get hugs and kisses, belly scratches, and how much she enjoys the night walks with me and my husband. I wish we did this her whole life. I got her when I was 13, my mum was a single mum and her new job required her to travel a lot, so she caved and got me a dog to keep me company. But as I grew up I let my life take over and I barely had time for her. She came into my life to keep me company but I let her be alone. My poor baby…

There’s really no point in working so hard in life, I worked so hard the past 4 years hoping to give my loved ones a better life in future but I never realised that the present is most important. The future isn’t guaranteed. Now all I can hope for is that amputation can save her and I can buy her just a few more years. We’re getting our new home soon and one room was meant to be hers, she needs to live to see it and enjoy it. I’m just not ready to say bye anytime soon.

The second test results will be out tomorrow. I am just hoping for the best. Please please let it be that the amputation can save her. And while she is alive nothing else will matter. She will be my centre and I will do my best to give her everything to be happy.

Next week is my birthday and my wedding. I don’t want to go through with it. My heart hurts for her. What do I do…

If anyone has experience with your dog having cancer, specifically carcinoma, please let me know. If you have suggestions on what I can do to help her fight this please tell me. And if you read this, whatever religion you are, please help me say a little prayer to keep my baby with me just a little more. And most importantly, that she doesn’t suffer from any pain through this.

Please be okay my baby