Changing my routine. Escaping the blur.

I wish I could credit the artists of the first picture. I relate to it so much. Every time I try to make positive changes in my life, I eventually burn out. The last image is how I feel during those times. I lose my self… my sense of reality… nothing maters. The days turn to weeks. The weeks to months. Months to years…

I’ve been living my life in a blur for what seems like a really long time. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know how I got here or why I feel so lost…

What’s even harder than building good habits is identifying and changing the bad habits. I’m trying to replace the bad with the good.

▪️I slept terribly last night. After getting up to feed the cats, all I wanted was to go back to bed. Instead, I checked in with my health apps, drank some water, and got up and did some dishes.

▪️That’s when the cravings usually hit. I wouldn’t mind a shot or a beer to start my day… turn on the tv and watch some shows for a bit. Instead, I started making coffee and breakfast. I made a conscious choice to not turn on the TV and put on some music instead.

▪️No TV…No Video Games… No Social Media. I get so caught up in these things. I waste way too much time doomscrolling and binge watching a show. So today I tried to avoid all that and do some things I’ve been putting off. I organized the window where I’ve been keeping my plants. I have a little pumpkin plant and some carrot sprouts that needed relplanting. I also tried arranging the window in away that will keep the cats away. They keep chewing on my poor cannabis plant and I don’t want them to kill it.

▪️I really enjoy the THC seltzers. I’m still craving beer like crazy, but they are a great replacement. So far today I’ve managed to avoid alcohol! I know that doesn’t sound like a huge deal to some. But it has been ridiculously difficult for me and impossible to not think about.

#Lemon8Diary #dailyroutine #mentalhealth #mentalhealthjourney #addictionawareness #recoveryjourney #firststep #buildinghealthierhabits