My traumatic birth story

Hey y’all. This is my traumatic birth story (the shortened version). I want to first preface that my experience is not everyone’s and you shouldn’t let a negative post influence your fear. Everybody is different.

My birth plan going in: no c section, get epidural.

I went in to be induced on January 6, 2023, and my due date was January 12, 2023. I was induced early due to my child measuring really big and I was afraid to wait much longer. I was not dilated or effaced at all when I was induced, and I’d say my body was the furthest from ready.

I was also given Pitocin along with the cytotec, and after 12 hours of labor, I had only progressed to 2cm. By this time, the cervical checks were really painful (I would scream), so I asked for the epidural. It was fine and dandy at first but after a few hours, it stopped working. I still was not progressing in my cervical dilation so they gave me a foley bulb which quickly got me to 6cm dilated.

Around this time, I asked for another epidural because the first had failed. They sat me up to replace my epidural and my water broke. I thought for sure things would start to progress. This epidural only lasted a few hours as well. I was at 6cm for another 24 hours.

The pain was incredible. I cannot explain it, and I can’t think about it with shudders and cold chills. It is nothing I had ever experienced before by a long shot, and the thought of going through it again shuts me down mentally. After the next 24 hours (around 34 hours of intense and excruciating labor), I was given the choice to have a c section due to failure to progress, which at the time I happily accepted because I was tired and felt I couldn’t go on anymore.

The c section was very strange, there’s nothing in this world that can prepare you to be awake and aware while this procedure goes on - having no pain but still feeling every slice, stitch, and tug. It’s mentally disturbing and in my opinion, traumatizing - especially because I didn’t want a c section in the first place. The surgery itself went well and I did heal great.

My daughter was born on January 8 at 8.5 lbs. She was a hefty baby especially for being slightly before her due date, and I’m so glad we got her here safely - though the process was traumatizing and left me with mental scars.

It took me almost two years to mostly heal from this experience. I have finally come to terms with the idea that I may need more c sections in the future because I had one first, though I am heavily interested in a VBAC depending on how safe it would be in my circumstance.

Birth experiences can go smoothly or they can go terribly wrong. Each one is different, even two pregnancies from the same mother can’t be counted on to be similar. I hope the next one is smoother if I am blessed to have another child, but now I know the importance of preparing for anything.

I wish I had waited to go into labor naturally, or at least waited until I was somewhat dilated and effaced to be induced. I think the fact that I started the process when my body wasn’t ready at all is why it went so badly, and while I do regret getting induced, I am so happy that my baby and I are safe and healthy.

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