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Breaking up after 4 years as a army gf

Breaking up after 4 years as a army gf

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Here’s a goodbye to my longest relationship.

We met through mutual friends while playing mahjong and you slid into my dms. We talked so much that you confessed to me one day. I was so uncertain because I was 2 years older but you gave me the confidence to take a leap of faith. You just enrolled into army then and I could only see you during the weekends. I travelled 1 hour 15minutes from the west to the east TWICE, before and after staying over just to see you when you book out. Every goodbye felt so real cause you always seem so sad leaving me.

At the start, you would give me everything you have and always told me you are the guy that would give me $10 if you only had $10. And it was true..even though you were broke, you planned dates until I became the one planning where to eat all the time. But at least your response to me was “anything, as long as you are happy.”

You would show me all your talents to keep me entertained and we spent most of the time at home. We watched movie marathons, the whole of avengers and how I met your mother, even Naruto from the very first ep so many movies..so many times I forgot what we watched and you would rewatch them with me even though you remember. Singing dancing doing anything to make me laugh.

When I felt overwhelmed by the happiness at your family Christmas gathering and broke down in your room, you were there to reassure me that it was ok to feel like this.

I fell in love with your entire being because I knew you loved me too. You could never give me a proper answer as to why you loved me. And you couldn’t give me an answer as to why you started losing feelings.

You kept warning me that it will be worse after you get out of army since working as a self employed would be tough. So many times I felt bad for having resentment towards you. My friends were always making new memories with their partners but I was always alone until you were free. We don’t have much new memories together and now all I remember are what you do to keep me entertained, the words you say to keep me reassured. The trip I went with you and your family. The Genting and cruise trip we went on because I really wanted to go overseas with you. You promised me to go Japan together 3 years later, which is next year. I waited and waited. I kept reminding you to take pictures of me because I’m getting older day by day. But you never did.

You were working for our future. “Would you rather live in a hdb or a condo.” That’s what you kept saying to me. But in the end you are the one that started to invest your emotions into another friend. Texting her every single day about your life and responding to her like how you used to respond to me. I never knew my hands could tremble while scrolling through the chat and i didn’t sleep the whole night. You rushed out comforting me and calming me down and You said to me that wasn’t the cause and it is impossible. But it was the second time.

I know the problem lies with you losing your feelings. Apparently since a year ago. It’s not caused by anyone else. Yet I can’t help to think what could things have been if you actually told me from the start instead of keeping it to yourself? You always told me that if I’m losing feelings for you I should tell you and we should never mention the word break up. So I never once did. I thought finally, I was in a super healthy relationship.

Did you know how much I trusted you to be there for me while I kept myself occupied with friends and my own activities that I never once doubted that you will ever let me down? I even went to concerts alone, travelled with couples overseas and you went from being “I would only want to see the world with you” and was against me traveling with friends to not stopping me at all and let me go wherever I want. I thought it was because you felt bad for not having the time to travel with me but it was just because you don’t care anymore.

The only reason I was so attracted to you was because you made me feel safe. Emotionally safe. I was so confident that if I could stick by your toughest time I could always fall back and rely on you since you are my main emotional support. You loved to criticise other couples about how they are horrible for doing shit to their girlfriends. Yet in the end you broke me.

My grandfather was so mad when he knew that we barely even meet a few times per month and kept questioning if you really were that busy or are you playing with me.

I had my whole family convinced that you are just working hard for yourself but I started to question if it was for me too. They all loved you so much and thinks I made the right choice and age is just a number not the definition of your maturity in this case. I’m so sorry that my grandparents have to eventually know that I’m brokenhearted and there’s nothing they can even do for me to help me feel better.

You were supposed to attend my graduation, and I was supposed to bring you to your first concert. Just 2 days before your family was planning to go on a trip with me next year. I was the first and only girl you brought home to meet your family and your friends kept telling me how in love you were with me and how happy they are for you to finally get a girlfriend. What a sick joke.

You always told me that the difference between you and other people is that you would not hesitate to take a bullet for me, sacrifice yourself for me. So maybe you thought the problem lies with me? Maybe you started seeing all my flaws and realised I am not what you wanted? Even one day before the breakup you were telling me how you will try and put in more effort and talk to me more instead of your friend, Even before breaking up with me you still acted like you want to tell me about your day and helped me fix all the things in my room just for me to see traces of you everywhere??? You even renovated my brother’s house and now I will always be reminded of u whenever I go there forever.

I don’t know if I can ever recover from this. I really rather wish you were dead and I lost you that way. I had to struggle with changing my work laptop password because it was your name and bday.

I hope the crying would eventually stop one day. I’m so tired.