I lost my momma...

I lost my mom 3 weeks ago today, and here's my advice to you.

To begin, this has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I never thought the day would come as quick as it did. There are so many things I wish I did or said to her before she passed, and I want to give all of you some advice and my story.

1. Tell your parents you love them every day.

I wish I had told my mom I loved her more than I did. She literally is the reason I am who I am today.

2. Call Them !!

Once I moved out, I didn't call or even speak to my parents as often as I should have. I miss hearing her voice so much that I will replay a video from my 3rd birthday just to hear it.

3. VISIT

When my dad had called letting me know my mom was on a ventilator, I refused to go see her because I didn't want to have the vision of my mom with a large machine keeping her alive. Every day, I kick myself more and more because I didn't.

The day before she passed, my dad had called and told me she was in comfort, meaning the hospital was keeping her comfortable so she could pass peacefully. My dad told me she wasn't going to make it, but we didn't want her to know she was going to pass. I finally went to go see my mom in the hospital, and she was able to talk, but it was very short. She wasn't able to talk normally... but could say one word, then she would have to regain her energy and breath to say another.

The first thing my mom said to me when I saw her was, "im very sick. I don't think I'm going to walk out of the hospital." Trying to keep things positive, the only thing I could say back was "No. You don't need to talk like that. You're going to be okay." I already knew she was going to pass. We just didn't know when.

I spoke to my momma all day that day, telling her about my dogs, my job, and bringing up happy memories. I couldn't bear thinking about these memories, knowing they were going to be the only thing I had left once she was gone.

One conversation I had with her in the hospital that I will NEVER forget is when I was brushing her hair. I had just gotten my nails done so I would run them through her hair in hopes of relaxing her. As I was doing so, I looked at her, smiled, and told her that she has always been so pretty. She looked back and said I was prettier. I then responded, saying, " i got all my looks from you." Since she had woken up from being on the ventilator, my dad and aunt said that was the biggest my mom had smiled since she's been in the hospital.

Later that day, my mom asked my dad if she was full code, and he responded with yes. My mom told him that if she codes, she doesn't want to be brought back. My dad had already made that decision based on the condition she was in and was always second guessing it, but in that moment, he said he knew he was doing the right thing because she had validated it for him. She had figured out that she was going to pass away.

As we were sitting around her, she told us she was ready. My dad asked her again, "Are you ready to leave us?" and she responded back with "yes and no." She then told us she didn't have a will and needed us to write one for her. At this point, I couldn't contain my emotions and started crying because the thought of her leaving was finally being made into a reality.

Before she went to sleep that night, I made sure to kiss her on the forehead and tell her how much I loved her because somethinf had told me that this was the last time i would get to tell her that while she was awake. I had decided to stay the night with her in the hospital along with my dad and one of my brothers. All through the night, we were constantly checking on her.

The next day, we were hoping she was going to wake up, but her blood pressure was way to low, so she didnt wake up at all. We spent the entire day talking to her even though she couldn't respond back. Throughout the entire day, she slept peacefully and was stable.

That night, my brother and I decided to leave so we could freshen up, and then we'd come back to spend the night with her again. We told my mom we were going to be back in about an hour and left. When we did, her heart rate was 91 bpm. When we came back about an hour and a half later, her heart rate had dropped down to 81 bpm.

At this point, we knew she was close. As we stood around her that night, we all watched as her heart rate dropped continuously. 81, 79, 68, 52, 49, 43. My family knew at this point that this was it. We all spoke to my mom one last time, knowing she could hear us. We all took turns telling her how much we loved her and how she has been so strong during this entire sickness.

And then, the moment we had all been dreading, 0 bpm.

The moments after felt unreal. We stood around her as the doctor confirmed there was no beat detected, all of us in tears. We all hugged, crying and telling each other in hopes it would feel better that she was in a better place and she was no longer suffering or in pain.

After I was able to calm myself a little bit, I went into the hallway to call my boyfriend, who was working at the time. My mom and my boyfriend rarely saw eye to eye, but in her death bed, my mom finally approved of him, saying he's the one for me. I called him, and once he answered saying "hello", my brain tried to tell my mouth to speak, but I couldn't. he repeated hello, and I finally was able to whisper into the phone, "she's gone."

One thing he said to me in the phone call that I want everybody to hear, is that

When you lose a loved one, it isn't a goodbye. It's a see you later.

It will take me such a long time to get used to the fact that my mom is gone, but I do truly know that she is in heaven now with her mom and dad. She isn't suffering from type 1 diabetes anymore or her kidney disease. She isn't in pain anymore but living her best healthy life in heaven.

I love my mom so much that words can not describe. And I want everybody to text or call their mom and dad tonight or even go to them, give them a hug and tell them how much you love them, because once they are gone, you'll wish you could do it again.