DISASSOCIATION AFTER BIRTH

When I was pregnant I feel like all I ever heard was “Just wait until they put that baby in your arms, it’s love at first sight and you won’t know how you ever loved without her”. This is absolutely true now, this girl is the center of my whole world, but did anyone else not feel that instant connection when their baby was first born??

I felt like I was going to be such a bad mom when they put her on me for the first time and I just felt like I was in a fever dream and I was thinking “ummm whose baby is this😂”. Austin took that second picture of me right after she was born and I have never seen myself look so weirdly absent. Granted, my daughter came two months early out of nowhere so I was in a little shock and wasn’t expecting to meet her anytime soon, plus I had an EXTREMELY quick labor and birth (like two minutes of pushing and she was out) and then they had to take her away from me after holding her for only a minute so she could go to the NICU so I’m not sure if that’s why or what, but it made me feel so bad!

Then I went to see her in the NICU in her a little box with all the things attached to her, and I could barely see her face. I still felt so distant even though I was right there looking at my baby.

Once I was able to be with her and hold her is definitely when I started to bond with her more even though I still couldn’t see her little face much. Now she’s 7 months old and I literally could not be any more obsessed with her 😅, she’s my little bestie!

Let me know if you had the same experience! Also if you are seeing this and going through it now or end up going through it in the future, just know that it all sorts itself out and you are not any less of a mom for feeling this way!!

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