Sometimes it feels like everyone is “friended up”

As a prior homeschool student, I’m no stranger to loneliness. I spent most of my childhood pretty much alone—eventually, I even learned to prefer being alone.

As an adult, I really struggle to make small talk with people. If I’m going to give up being alone to hang out with you, there needs to be a real connection.

My husband and I lived in Thailand for 2 years prior to moving to Kazakhstan in August, where I met some of the best people I’ve ever known—friends who became family.

Leaving them was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in awhile.

Kazakhstan, though, has been a different story. The expat community is incredibly small. We’ve made some friends, but they all seem to have other friends and not really enough room in their lives for anyone else.

At some point, I noticed that if I we didn’t reach out first, we wouldn’t hear anything from them. I stopped trying when I saw on Instagram that they’d all gone to a craft beer place half a block from my house without even a mention… if you’ve ever been left out, you’ll know how that felt.

The long, dark winter, with some of the worst pollution I’ve ever experienced, combined with not having a community in a foreign country has compounded those feelings of loneliness - and I’ve had to relearn to be okay with being lonely again.

Thankfully, I truly enjoy my husband’s company, so most of the time, I am okay with it just being us. It’s still freaking hard, though. When you just want someone to call up at the end of a long week, to have some drinks, hang, and decompress.

Hoping someone else relates to this, somehow. It’s hard when it feels like everyone else is already all “friended up”.

#loneliness #travel #hellolemon8 #expat #expatlife