My experience with living with mental issues

I was first warded to imh when I was 19. I was doing my internship at a fast food restaurant and I would describe myself as an overachiever and I am quite hard on myself. I wanted to do well for my internship but I couldn’t manage the stress I was facing at internship and my manager/supervisor was not cooperative with me so I ended up in imh.

I remembered before going to imh, I was having episodes of being confused and was being maniac. My mum brought me to hospital and they took blood test for me. I sat on the ambulance and went to imh. I was so lost for words and was hearing sounds. It was extremely traumatic to me as I was placed in a ward with people that are going through the same issues with me or even worst.

I was discharged after about a month of stay and was diagnosed with psychosis. I went back to school for my internship and managed to graduate and did quite well for my internship at school.

I stopped medication myself as while I was on olanzapine I gained about 30kg and I’m not even kidding, my self esteem just went down and I felt breathless all the time. It was definitely not healthy for me to gain weight in such a short period of time. I manage to practice mindful habits and lost 15kg using intermittent fasting. I was more confident and started to love myself. I realize I shouldn’t let my weight define me and I’m still trying to overcome this body image issues I have.

I did well for my ite so I managed to enter poly but I didn’t do so well in year 1 as I was still struggling with socially and mentally. I was motivated to do better in year 2 since I am going to learn modules that I’m more interested in. Just when I thought things are going well for me was warded again this year in June. I guess I was too over-stress about my school and I was disappointed with my results even though I did my best. I stayed in imh for 3 weeks during the holidays and was diagnosed with brief psychotic disorder and schizophrenia. I realized I shouldn’t stop medication without doctor approval as it can be quite dangerous and I can end up in imh again.

I decided to take a semester break from school. During my break from school, I would say I missed school, I miss having something to learn everyday and just having something to be motivated for while living. I went out with friends I made in hospital, went to church and worked part time. 3 months passed and I was doing quite well but my intrusive thought made me stopped medication halfway because I was scared of the weight gain😭. I relapse a month before school started. I was overthinking and was having disorganized thoughts which made me end up in imh the 3rd time. This time round, I felt my symptoms was a lot worst as I couldn’t control my mind and body, I felt weak emotionally and was just tired of everything. I started having suicidal thoughts during my 3rd stay and was thinking to quit school and continue school next year and only continue school when I’m mentally more stable. But then I thought, what am I going to do during this break? With just an ITE certification, it may be difficult for me to persue my dream which I am still lost about. So I decided to continue my current school and was just discharged this week.

I am still feeling weak and restless but I believe that as long as I try my best, I will be able to achieve my dream. It’s okay that I’m slower than others because I am at my own pace, I shouldn’t rush my mental health recovery and take things slow. Hopefully I can graduate from poly and get a certification I always wanted. I believe I am blessed and I will continue to strive for what I always wanted. Jiayou to me💪❤️

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