The ED that no one talks about

TW: s*****e

I’d like to start off by saying…food is great!! I’ve always loved food from a young age. My obsession with food grew over the years. When I was 5, I started to get really bad ear infections so the doctors put me on steroids. I literally blew up like Humpty Dumpty!! I became very self conscious, and that is when I started eating and eating and eating. Food was my friend. Food was always there for me. By the time I was 12 I was almost 200 pounds! I would have these short moments (1-2 months) where I would eat really healthy and workout, but I couldn’t resist the urge to stuff my face. I would try and go days without eating, but it didn’t matter because I would just binge even worse.

I became super depressed by the time I was in high school. On top of that, me and my family were on the verge of homelessness. I was 14 when I started harming myself. I honestly had no idea what to do at that point. I was in activities in high school and I tried to eat healthy to stay in shape. But eating disorders are not linear. You have your ups and downs. When I graduated and transferred to college it became really hard to manage eating healthy, working out, and school. This is when I started to have s******l thoughts. On my own accord, I checked myself into the mental hospital in the summer of 2019. That is where I was formally diagnosed with binge eating disorder (it’s a real thing)! I don’t think many people believe that the disorder is real. It’s the same as starving yourself, except I’m doing the opposite. I have a psychiatrist that specializes in eating disorders. Today, I still binge, but not as much. I am currently 317 pounds 😪 I gained at least 80 pounds since covid. Recently, I’ve been obsessed with PB&J’s and chips. Sometimes at night I will sneak into the kitchen, grab the PB and jelly with the whole loaf of bread and eat as many sandwiches as possible. I think the most I’ve eaten is 5. I also will most certainly eat an entire family size bag of chips 😈 Although, I can’t binge as much anymore because I am on appetite suppressants. I’m not ashamed of my disorder, but I’m aware of it and I’m going to win in the end!

#eatingdisorder #ED #food #weightloss #diet