What I learned.. in my 30’s

1. My attachment style is not bad: Understanding and appreciating your attachment style can change many things in your life. You’re either an anxious attachment style (me), avoidant, or secure attachment style. The anxious / avoidant attachment style is a hard relationship dynamic to navigate. I always thought there was a problem with me seeking more connection and vulnerability, but I learned my past relationships (which were all with avoidant people), were not successful nor fulfilled me because of attachment styles. After I learned my attachment style, I tried dating people that suited my attachment style, and found myself in a successful marriage with a secure attachment style.

2. Having a good mental health counselor is a big deal: I will never forget the “free” counselors I had through my health insurance.. they were probably the worst counselors that did not help with my healing in any way. Not to say that will be everyone’s experience but it was mine. So, I switched to a private therapist, paid out of pocket, and it changed absolutely EVERYTHING. They listened to me, asked good questions, and helped me heal in many things.

3. Financial Planning: While studying the “Proverbs 31” woman, I learned what a noble wife is. One of those things was how she can alleviate burdens from her husband - I associated this with making sure I am ready for marriage by eliminating my debt and having money saved. This meant I didn’t want to enter marriage, passing my debt to my husband, to pay. This was just my personal take away from studying proverbs 31, but there can be a different message for someone else and a different opportunity for others to identify.

4. Stop people pleasing: This has been something that I’ve been on a journey to help rectify. The first step is recognizing that this is a characteristic that is found in your nature, and then setting boundaries and practicing those boundaries over and over again. This led to healthier relationships, better work life balance, and enhanced emotional well-being.

5. Generational curses are real: One day I asked my therapist why my mom can err on the side of controlling rather than free spirited. My counselor said something very eye-opening, she mentioned that people who want everything to be in control, may have lacked control growing up, or it was learned behavior. I asked my mom if there was a time she felt out of control, expecting her to tell me about when she migrated to the United States. She actually never felt out of control, and instead told me it was learned behavior from her mother, my grandma. Unfortunately my grandma is no longer with me so I couldn’t ask her if she ever felt out of control but i’m sure she holds the beginning of this generational curse.

6. Strong friendships can endure hardship: Something I have learned about the friends I still have in my life is that we understand and appreciate our relationships, we communicate effectively, we prioritize plans made, and we cultivate meaningful connections. We also make sure to look at each other through a forgiving lens when we fall short.

7. Physical Health is KEY: Something I have often lacked is prioritizing my health. Something that I am striving to get better at is exactly this by making sure I am regularly exercising, maintaining a balanced and nutritious diet, and taking care of my overall self.

8. Date intentionally: I cannot tell you how much my dating life changed when I started dating intentionally. I would quickly strive to understand a person’s upbringing, and who they deeply are, and then ensure that their values align with mine. This is a mindset I didn’t always carry with me, and led to many heartbreaks in relationships that should’ve ended long before they did.

9. Learn your worth, and don’t fall back on it for anyone: Self-worth is something I’ve been working on for many years. Something I thought was that I am deserving of the love that my parents had but I realized that their love was not the truest form that existed. So I had to unlearn what I thought was true love and learn the true meaning of deep love. once I was able to do that, I was able to establish what my worth is, and ensure that I am respecting myself and making the best choices for myself.

10. Community is the biggest gift to yourself: Period.

what are some of your biggest life takeaways?!

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