if you asked me on a deeper level…

hey wow where do i start… i really thought you were someone i’d spend my life with regardless. i’d love to call you mine but it seems like this lifetime is impossible due to the circumstances you’re in.

you said to continue sticking close to you these few months but im afraid of the disappointment and heartbreak that comes after. maybe that’s when i can finally start to hate you. hate you for the fact that you didn’t choose us despite how you’re feeling, hate you for you for being a coward, hate you for continuing with the life you said you didn’t want, hate you for forcing me to throw this puzzle piece that i might not find eventually…

people always tell me that you’d never ever leave the life you have now and i believed it for a moment before feeling myself being sucked back to this false hope. i don’t want to experience this heartbreak again when you finally decide to not choose me, again.

i detest using the word “choose”. it seems like my happiness and future are in your hands, it makes me feel desperate. i know my self worth is much more than this but yet here i am again. they say stop choosing people who don’t choose you, if it’s not mutual what’s the point. the right person will choose me as deeply as i choose them… and that being said, perhaps despite all that we’ve shared, you’re just not the one for me.

i will do better without you, right?

with love,pfp

19/10/24