it really is all about Jesus

I haven’t posted on here in a minute. But let me tell you, life has been BUSY.

In the beginning of December, I found out I was pregnant with our third baby. I just had had my third miscarriage at the end of September and didn’t have a cycle in between, so I was really surprised bc we weren’t planning to have more kids. (And before you go there, yes I know how this works. You play adult games & you get adult prizes).

First trimester is survival mode for me. Always is. Fast forward to now, and we know we’re having a girl. We’re thrilled. But it’s not without its challenges.

During our anatomy scan, we found out I have multiple placental lakes and our baby has isolated mesochardia (meaning her heart is tilted toward the center).

Throughout the last month and a half in particular, our family has undergone some intense stuff. The week before Easter (when I was supposed to be leading worship), I ended up in the ER, 2.5 hours away from home, having an emergency appendectomy. While pregnant. We had been traveling home from visiting my husband’s family and already had been in the car for 6 hours.

By God’s grace alone, we already had a suitcase of clean clothes, a pack & play and even bottles prepped for the kids. Of course that would be exactly what we needed for our girls when 6 hours later (while I was still in the ED), my husband is driving an hour and a half with our kids and dog to meet my mom halfway so she could take them home.

Of course the only option with this appendicitis was surgery due to an abscessing fecolith - but MULTIPLE doctors all agreed and told me that if you have to have surgery while pregnant, this was the time to do it.

Of course because I’d had a c-section with complications and a challenging recovery 3.5 years earlier, a laparoscopic surgery with zero complications would be a cake-walk recovery by comparison.

Of course.

Only Jesus would have each detail be so intentionally orchestrated.

With the isolated mesochardia for our new babe, when I initially spoke with the doctor on the phone, I was told that it was “very concerning and needs to be closely monitored.” Come to find out, that’s not what the doctor put in the report. The report actually said that the condition is an isolated event and baby has an *excellent prognosis* for being absolutely fine & healthy.

Only Jesus.

But it makes sense, doesn’t it?

Of course the God of the universe - the only One with all the power, all the authority, all the resources - would be able to hold, carry and provide for us through the chaos. Only the Prince of Peace would meet our needs so directly with peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).

Of course.

The longer I’m a mom, and honestly the longer I’m just friggin alive, the more regularly I’m reminded how deeply I need Jesus. How I can’t do this life on my own.

I’m impatient. I’m short tempered with my husband and kids. I lack discipline in so many areas. I struggle with pride.

But He meets me in my weakness & walks with me through it. I can trust Him bc He continues to demonstrate His faithfulness over and over and over again.

I’ve made bad choices in the past. I’ve lived my life for myself and experienced the emptiness and heartache that comes as a result.

Which is why I don’t want anything but what He has to give. The Bible tells us that “In Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). We have life in Him - we are made right with the Father through His death on the cross. AND we get to experience life to the fullest when we do life with Jesus.

He has proven Himself over and over again. And now my children are growing old enough to notice. They’re singing songs that declare His goodness as they play around our house, my oldest has regular conversations with us about the things God has made.

He is always good & He is always faithful.

I’ll shout it from the rooftops.

It’s not popular to know & love Jesus. It’s not popular to live in a way that honors and glorifies Him.

But thank goodness it’s not about me.

I’m so glad that it really is all about Jesus.

#christianmom #embracevulnerability