First time mom after birth✨ #realtalk

As someone who love baby so much and have always been looking forward to becoming a mother and having my own child, i've never thought that i'd feel this way after giving birth. But it is common to feel the loss of identity after growing a baby inside your body for 10 months, many body changes and going through birth of your baby...

For myself, during pregnancy I was not bothered by the weight gain as I knew that I had to eat enough for the baby to receive nutrients and if I don't satisfy my cravings, baby will make me nausea 😅 I gained a total of 18kg in 38 weeks and my baby was only 2.6kg. I was lucky to not have any stretch marks but the pregnancy line on my belly (linea nigra) is very long and obvious and I had several dark spots especially my belly button area which looked bruised from baby's kicking and my boobs were itching and grew much much bigger (nope not a good thing to me) in preparation to produce milk for my baby and I had water retention towards the end of my pregnancy which made my face and palms and feet swollen but that's about it regarding my body changes during pregnancy. I didn't had much acne issues or sensitive gums or skin tags which many mummies had to go through. So I count myself lucky and felt that my pregnancy did not have too much changes on my body.

After giving birth, my belly of course was wobbly jiggly and huge, which felt really weird but it's expected. My face was also super super swollen after giving birth. But since I was home during confinement, i wore my nursing friendly pyjamas i wore throughout my pregnancy, giving my body some time to heal and allowing the swelling to go down.

During pregnancy I arranged for a newborn photoshoot which needed to take place before baby turns 14 days to capture his newborn look and there was a family shoot included so I had to dress myself up 10 days after giving birth. I couldn't fit into any of my old clothes and after trying more than 10 outfits and non could fit, i was feeling so sad and frustrated looking at the mess on my bed with that pile of clothes. Not only my tummy was the issue, my hip bones area expanded and my boobs grew way more than pre pregnancy so my waist measurement increased too, had to throw all my old bras away. I ended up settling with a babydoll dress 3/4 zipped at the back and overlay with a knit cardigan to cover the unzipped part.

I did a 10 session post partum massage with a 4hrs tummy binding session after each massage. And my tummy was much much smaller by the end of the 10 sessions as compared to the first session. Also, as time go by, the swelling will go away and the tummy will slowly become smaller, not completely flat of course but it'll be better. The massage also helped relax my sore body, definitely a must have after giving birth!

Since I was breastfeeding, my boobs always felt itchy and uncomfortable every 2 hours and longer if I don't pump. I needed to pump every 3hrs if not I would feel uncomfortable. Also, my boobs don't belong to me anymore hahaha it look so different (iykyk) and always suffering from nipple cracks etc.

During the first few weeks, not wearing bra hurts, wearing bra hurts, everything that touched my sore nipples slightly hurts so much. I had to buy larger size soft nursing bras and paste breast pads everyday if not milk will leak and stain my pyjamas. I resented my husband for not helping me with night feeds claiming that he is tired from work so he can't hear baby's cry and i'm the one on maternity leave so I should take care of the baby. Nights tackling pumping and feeding and diaper changing at the same time were not easy and to be doing it alone it really felt very lonely. But i'm very thankful for my family for taking evening shifts so I can sleep before taking the night shift and knowing that the baby is in good hands, I could rest well.

First 2 months, my husband and I had alot of arguments and disagreement as both of us have different ways to take care of the baby and anxiety made me very anxious whenever I see him not doing things my way, telling him that what he is doing is "wrong". Whenever baby cry uncontrollably under his care, I would have to take over which didn't allow me to rest much during "his shift" to take care of the baby and I started to have many resentments and felt annoyed and irritated by him easily, example when I see him sleeping well while i carry the crying baby or having time to play his game to unwind while I don't have any time or energy to do my own stuffs. Which caused many arguments especially when Im sleep deprived. But ultimately, we both want the best for our baby and both working very hard to adapt to this new parents life and both are tired in our own ways... As time pass, we're more used to the routine and understand baby needs better, things get easier and there will be lesser arguments in the relationship. Very important to give in to one another especially during trying times, and remember that it's us against the issue, not me vs him.

During pregnancy I did not dye my hair or do any hair treatments due to safety reasons for the baby in my belly i decided to play safe, and it is the longest black roots I have filling up half my hair length 😅 Right after I end confinement, i went to dye my hair and do a hair treatment which really help make me feel much much better and one step closer to feeling like my old self again #selflove 🫶🏼

I'm a person who loves to go out with my friends than staying at home but the lack of clothes to wear made me feel like staying at home and living in my pyjamas forever but I knew it wasn't healthy for my mental health so I shopped on Shein since there is free return after trying on the clothes and also went shopping at local blogshops to get new clothes in one size bigger than my pre pregnancy size. And these clothes had to accommodate to my new mom life, not too loose, not too short, not too tight hahahah and must be able to fit my wearable pumps so i can pump when i go out. Having new clothes to wear and being able to fit into definitely help make me feel happier too 🌼 My closet is currently super full and filled with many clothes that I still can't wear but I constantly remind myself, slowly but surely i'll be able to fit back into those someday!

I've never felt such tiredness and sleep deprived in my life before (tho it's really all worth it when my cutie smile at me 🥹🫶🏼) I constantly felt tiredness 24/7 throughout the day as I'm living with 3-4hrs of broken sleep everyday and i'm on night shift everyday. I try to sleep whenever baby sleep but realistically it's not possible as, in between baby's feed i've to pump, i've to go wash bottles and sterilise, go eat, go bath and many time in a blink of an eye it's baby next feed time. Or sometimes after drinking milk, baby wants contact nap and not willing to lie down on the bed to sleep on his own, so nothing gets done and I can't sleep while sitting up holding baby (but i lowkey love contact naps when im not toooo tired hehe🤭). But right now, i'm currently more used to the routine and there is somehow a schedule, also because i've lessen my pumping frequency so things are much easier to cope now. My husband's and family's help to take care of the baby helped alot too! I get to rest and go sleep every 6pm-10pm to replenish my sleep and energy before another night shift but this also means skipping many dinner, as i'll definitely choose to sleep than eat when im tired. Baby's night sleep has also stretched a little longer to 3-5hrs (day time feed is every 2hrs) allowing me to clock in abit more sleep during the night. & one night he even slept through a night clocking in 8.5hrs, i was so shock!! Which reminded me that eventually baby will sleep longer and through the night so jiayous, tough times will pass soon. 🤞🏼

'Anxiety' happens wayyyy too often after giving birth. Especially when baby cry while im pumping or while someone else helping me take care of him or when we're doing things for the first time or baby skin colour change etc it makes me super panicky. When baby cry at night while i'm sleeping, I would jump out of bed n hurry attend to him and coax him to stop crying. The first time we went out with baby to polyclinic, my anxiety level was crazy high, i felt sooo stress that baby is going to fuss outside for milk or diaper change when we're otw there or during the doctor visit and when baby had blood test when he cried so bad and when he felt cold at the clinic and stress to not make it back home for my next pump time and many many more reasons.

I was so wary of hygiene of the people touching my baby and all the things baby come in contact with. Couldn't stand any smokers getting near my baby, this is a super important thing to me. And if anyone is sick, I will try my best to avoid going too near to them as the polyclinic doctor told me if baby has fever during 0-3 months, he is going to A&E straight away 😰 which shows how serious it is!

I used to take care of my friend's babies alot and never felt this way before, the difference of caring for my own and other's is really huge difference.

Now that i'm 2 months in as a new mom, i've learnt to relax and chill more, take things step by step as we learn new things every single day. And learnt to accept any form of help, be it taking care of the baby to let me clock in more sleep and let me go out to have some me time or helping me wash my pumps n bottles or helping me buy stuff etc. Beyond grateful for my husband and my family help and my bestfriends who stood by me and be my listening ear at 3am while I was pumping, letting me know that I'm not alone in this 🫶🏼 When roles have switched, i'll definitely be there for you guys too hehe 🤭

PP depression is real and most mothers especially first time moms will most probably experience it, just depends on how serious it is for different moms. Check on your mummy friends/sister/family members often and give them support in anyways you can be it a listening ear or to accompany them on days they are alone or have cheery convos with them. 'Trimester 4 ' is really a challenging one, and it can feel very lonely but with the right support from the people around us, we can definitely overcome it! 💪🏼

Motherhood is really weird, I can't wait for my baby to grow up and watch his next milestone but yet I don't want him to grow up and want him to stay this tiny forever 🥹 my dearest boy is the cutest and he is really such a darling, everytime i'm tired or struggling, he seems to know how to behave and comfort me with his sweet sweet smile. I love him sooooo much hehe ❤️ I promise him that I'll take care of my mental health and love myself more so I'll have the capacity to love him too and take good care of him (and he smiled when i told him this🥹) Cherishing my last 2 months of maternity leave spending 24/7 with baby before he goes to infant care and before I return to work, thats another different level of challenge as a working mom which i'm ready to conquer hehe 🥰

Sending lotsa love to all mummies trying their best for their babies every single day, you're not alone. In a blink of an eye, our babies will all grow up and we will look back and miss these precious moments with the tiny them ❤️

#motherhoodjourney #RealTalk #motherhoodunfiltered