Relationship: Is it ever 50-50?

Starting out this Lemon8 journey looking to dwell into topics like relationships, mental health and other general life advice things!!! Just documenting down things based on personal experience and how I view things!!

Disclaimer: of course most things lie on a spectrum and I do not claim that I am right just sharing my viewpoints on things but always open for discussion so please feel free to comment :’)

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I have been a firm believer that a healthy relationship is never 50-50. Of course, people believe that in a relationship where there are 2 committed partners, it only makes sense that it should be equal, no? I mean after all, it does take 2 hands to clap.

So here’s my personal take:

1. Balance versus Equality

When we think about equality, we think about fairness for both and hence, 50-50. Based on this, we think that each partner will carry the same weight in a relationship. However, this is not the case and it is almost never true. Relationships can be balanced without being equal. Of course that is to say that we do not include unrequited love and one-sided things.

Let me explain: Recently my partner has gone through what could have arguably been the biggest exam of her life. No doubt that throughout the 1st ¼ of the year she was stressed, hangry, annoyed, you name it. Now, as a partner you do not expect her to be showering you with attention and love because she has to prioritise her exams and that’s where the dynamic of the relationship has to shift. In doing so, the ratio shifts.

The balance tends to shift for many reasons e.g. work, illness, unexpected events etc. and in those moments that’s where there are days where you will have to give more, encourage more, love harder and to show your partner that you will always be there no matter the good and the bad - especially the bad.

2. Having a 50/50 rule brings up a feeling of owing your partner

Because everything is 50/50, naturally you would think “okay since i did this for her, she will have to do something for me too” and leading down this road is a slippery slope to many arguments, resentment and possibly an eventual break-up.

So let us recount the earlier example I brought up. If i expected her to give me back whatever love, gifts and attention etc. after her exams, where would that have led us? In a relationship, no partner should feel like they owe the other person something and this is how toxicity breeds.

Loving your partner should be done unconditionally no matter the circumstance.

3. If the above is true, what then is the ratio for?

If you love someone unconditionally, the ratio can be considered null. I would like to reiterate that this does not mean there is only one person doing all the work while the other just gets spoiled while doing nothing in return. What I mean is this

- When you love someone, you are going to choose your partner everyday. You are going to want to go out of your way for him/her. You pick up the slack when your partner has had an exhausting day at work. You choose to spoil your partner. Every. Single. Day.

You rarely, or almost never will face a situation where it is a 50/50. Then again, does it even truly matter if you and your partner both truly love each other?

And these are my 3 points to whether a relationship should be 50/50! Again just my own personal points on how it should be and not saying it should apply to everybody but feel free to comment :’)

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