my bf texted his ex-girlfriend 🤦🏼‍♀️

so me & my boyfriend have been together for about 8 months, about to make 9. we currently live with each other so we tend to argue more then we did before when we weren’t living with each other.

we were arguing very bad a couple months ago, me packing up all my stuff, leaving at 3am, sitting at the train station crying, us going back and forth, me sus about certain things. we have been good not arguing as much because i really am trying to trust him. i have never in the 8 months ive been with him asked to look through his phone.. my last relationship ended badly because i was so concerned what was is the phone, to a point where i was getting mad at things that happened before i even was in the picture. i was looking for stuff to make me upset & that was really becoming a toxic habit i had and i didn’t want to ruin this relationship by not being trusting at first and asking to see his phone every time i thought he was messaging other females

BUT

this day was different. we weren’t even arguing. i didn’t feel good and was waiting for him to get of the game so i can shower, eat and lay down with him. but it didn’t go to plan. i don’t remember what happened in between but it was about 12:45AM and he put something on the TV & fell asleep. i wasn’t mad at this. i was grabbing all my stuff to go take a shower and i hear “wtf is your problem” im confused so i just say “im going to take a shower i didn’t want to wake you”

this is where it all went down hill

he starts getting rude and loud saying that i do this every night and im always mad when in reality i was just trying to take a shower without bothering him. i get triggered when he says “whats your problem” because he simply could’ve asked me what’s wrong. So this made me get defensive because why is he being rude to me for no reason when I was trying to be considerate of not waking him up. In this moment, I asked to look through his phone he wouldn’t let go of it. He just wanted to show me and not allow me to touch his phone so I got mad and I just walked out to take a shower. so I just go take my shower to try and keep my mind off everything that just happened. While I’m in the shower, I’m still crying still struggling to understand what the hell just happened.

I come back to the room and we’re still arguing. I packed up all my stuff and I told him I can’t do it anymore. I’m sick of the arguing. I’m sick of him being so rude to me sick of him thinking that I’m always mad when in reality I just want him to ask me if I’m OK sometimes.

So this is when I asked to see the phone I gave him an ultimatum. I said either show me your phone right now or I’m gonna walk out that door and you will literally never see me again. he opens his phone and tosses it near me. I immediately start to check everything recently deleted Snapchat recently deleted photos. Most recent added people on Snapchat Instagram everything. Didn’t find much in any of those apps, but when it came to the messages, I knew exactly where to look.

You can say this is toxic, but I have never looked through his phone and I have no idea what was in there. We’ve been together for so long. I think it was time I looked through it.

I go to his recently deleted messages and I see the same number that keeps popping up that says like 61 messages deleted a different amount every time I scroll down, so I recovered all of the messages and I started to read while sitting next to him, he still doesn’t know that I found this while I’m sitting next to him. So I read through the whole conversation and I turned the phone around and I start crying hard AF. Start asking him who is this? Why is he texting her or who the hell is this girl? He’s blank for words he didn’t think I would find it, but I told him in the beginning of the relationship that I will find everything out the truth always comes to the light.

So he says, do you want the truth and I say of course so then he tells me that it’s his ex-girlfriend. He tells me that he just needed to talk to somebody, but I don’t believe it because his first message to her was. “ do you hate me?” her telling him she needs to vent him saying good morning to her. That was way more than needing to talk. Meanwhile, this is at two in the morning. I’m having a full-blown panic attack. I cannot breathe. I’m on the floor crying asking him. Why did he do this to me? Why would he ever do this to me?

you may think I’m overreacting, but this boy has looked me in my eyes and has promised me that he has never texted another girl and the whole time that we were together now I’m starting not to believe that because if I found that from just a month ago, there’s definitely stuff from when we were not living together.

I do love my boyfriend and I do wanna work through this with him, but I don’t know how I can that really hurt me and I would have never done that to him not even in the million years

#lemon8diarychallenge