being SKINNY SHAMED ruined my self esteem…😵‍💫🥲

Hi zesties! 🍋Aiela here ~ I’m so new on this platform that this is literally my first post…😀

[Story Yapping Portion]

My body transformation journey used to be a little personal & sensitive for me to talk about to people but it slowly became something I’m proud of sharing cuz I realised I’ve came a long way & have put in a lot of effort in changing my mindset & body for the better.🥹

FYI I’m 167 tall and have a skinny frame ever since secondary sch days but when COVID hit me during poly year 2, my weight dropped from 45kg to around 41-43kg, which was the skinniest I’ve been in my whole 20 years of life…😵‍💫 Considering how tall I am, 50-53kg is the supposedly healthy weight for me and I was 9-10kg away from that :(

If you’re thinking “it’s just 9kg, why she making a big fuss out of nth when she can just eat more” well, it is easy for some people out there to put on weight BUT THAT PERSON IS DEFINITELY NOT ME HAHAHA 😭 I have a fast metabolism and hardly put on any weight since sec sch. I became more insecure of my skinny frame body after I recovered from covid as my mom and some of my friends kept pin pointing out how skinny my arms have become and I needed to eat more. Like as though it was that easy cuz Covid literally RUINED my appetite and my hair was thinning too (not sure cuz of Covid or the stress from projs + sleepless nights 🤡)

These comments definitely took a toll on my self esteem as I knew deep down I haven’t fully moved on from some past nasty remarks that sec school boys used to make fun over my body:/ Not that these comments affected greatly on how I view myself but I’ll recall them from time to time when I put on cute dresses with a slightly lower cut in dressing rooms or when I see pretty girls having what society standards of a “pretty body”look like on social media.

My lowered self esteem has gotten me to the point of forcing myself to eat more by stuffing food into my mouth tho I was alrdy full and GWORL - IT AIN’T CUTE when I almost vomited out my dinner…🤮

Fast forward when poly final year internship started, I became more consistent with eating 3 meals a day and my appetite got slightly better~ ✨My mom still kept saying I was too skinny and needed to eat more but I decided to take this process slow cuz idw to have the puking feeling again from forcing myself to eat more.😵‍💫

Throughout the whole 6 months of internship I managed to gain only 1kg hahaahahahaha I feel like it’s both a blessing and curse to have high metabolism.😂 (ok but more of blessing pls don’t come at me😭) It was until I met my current fitness enthusiast boyfriend and started joining him in the gym after my internship ended.💪🏋️‍♀️

At that point I didn’t know gymming could change my body in ways I wouldn’t even imagine.😳 I rmb one of my guy friends advised me that maybe lifting some weights would help but I thought my bamboo pole arms probs can’t gain much biceps from it, esp not with my small patoot food portion, however I was still curious to try out exercise machines in the gym for fun & my boyfie was so supportive of it so I started my gym journey last year ~

Throughout the whole 1 year of my fitness journey, I WOULD NVR IN MY WILDEST DREAMS expect that hitting the gym consistently will help me improve my mindset, my appetite and solve my body image issue… 😭❤️ It’s crazy because 2 months into gymming I started having baby gains & was bulking unknowingly. Heading out on dates with my 24/7 hungry boyfie also got me slowly appreciating and loving food more. My bowel movement had a drastic 360 change and my muscle mass was progressing as well. 🥹💪 And the next thing I knew… MY HAIR GROW BACK LAH SIAL - I think the increase in protein intake helped cuz I didn’t eat much eggs and meat in the past… I didn’t rlly like meat cuz they look jelat to me… I’m weird… ik 💀

[What I learned throughout this journey?]

1. I was glad I could came into acceptance of my skinny frame and decided that fixing my appetite is most important during my internship period because eating should be enjoyable and NOT stuffing food into my body forcefully just because ppl tell me to “eat more”. 🥲

2. Patience, patience and patience! Just like how getting my appetite back takes time, changing my body through weight training takes time too. I remb hitting the gym and trying to stay consistent for the first month was abit tough as the workout made me tired out easily and I wasn’t seeing an obvious change in the way my arms look. I guess what kept me going despite being drained is that I had fun trying out diff machines and I always feel good after pushing myself hard. According to my bf, for beginners to see baby gains, you need to stay consistent in your workout for at least 3 months. Tell yourself it’s tough but you’re tougher!!😤

3. Having a small bone frame means even if I pump hard at the gym, I wouldn’t get massive gains like some women I see at the gym. (unless I take the roids 😱💀) And that’s okay! Sure my arms still look thin when the right after workout pump is gone, I think I definitely look healthier than before and this has been my body goal all along, to get my appetite back to shape & have a healthier weight. 😊

4. Ngl as much as gym and bulking shaped me to look healthier, my face has put on some weight as well and it’s looking rounder than before 😣I do miss my sharper jawline phase but seeing the amt of growth my body had, I told myself that I nvr wanna go back to that phase when my appetite was a mess, my health was questionable and every jeans I wore was lose on my waist. I came a long way with hard work and consistency to be contented with the way my body look and function now so I don’t wanna look back again.😌

5. It is important to set yourself REALISTC body expectations and get to the bottom of why you want to change your body in the first place. Is it to become healthier? Is it to look like the model/idol you always look up to? Is it to fit society’s standards of body goals? Is it to make a dude like you back becuz he wants a girl with skinny A4 waist and an ass that can send him flying into Spain?😒🙄 There’s nothing wrong wanting to change the way you look but it shouldn’t be to the point ur health is at stake or just because u’re not meeting ppl’s expectations of what they think pretty looks on you!! 😡 You should define it on your own terms without being influenced by people or the media. 🫶 ALSO, nth rlly matters more than your own physical and mental health so start listening to what you really want for yourself and not what others want for you.

This is a LONG yapping post but hope everything I shared here can be relatable and helpful to some of yall out there hehe rmb to love yourself and stay safe !! 🥰#bodypositivity #selflove #bodytransformationjourney #RealTalk #advice #bodyshaming #fitnessjourney